Wassup?! 

Nice Hair. 

Don't Get Me Wrong

It's not all bad. I just SEEM to be complaining all the time on my blog. Motherhood is hard, hard, hard. If I ever said anything disparaging about it, smite me now, because I totally get it. But all griping aside, my son is so irresistably cute and edible. I just want to gobble him up. I DO miss him being inside me, but now I can see and touch and smell and taste him. What ever could be better?

This Crap Don't Work

In the past few months we have collected a lovely array of appliances that are supposed to magic and soothe the baby: Ocean Wonders Aquarium Bouncy Seat. Baby Papasan Chair. Ocean Wonders Aquarium Swing. Graco Windsor Collection Stroller and Snugride Infant Car Seat. Baby Bjorn Active Carrier. We're set - we can bounce, swing, swaddle, snuggle, and stroll. We should have a very soothed baby.

But the baby doesn't know this, and he doesn't care. Today he's been impossible to put down for 5 seconds. He's happy as a little bug when held in someone's arms - he'll even fall happily asleep. But if one puts him down in a crib or one of the aforementioned apparati, he screams like an enraged fan at a Notre Dame vs. USC game. (I'm projecting on him, of course.)

This has pissed me off unreasonably. Today was the first day I felt able to walk around the block in my neighborhood, and I was really looking forward to putting Kyle in the stroller and strolling. My mother accompanied us, complete with her sunshiny straw hat. We got as far as the driveway before Kyle started with the screaming. We continued the length of 2 houses, but I couldn't take the screaming any longer, so I picked him up. He immediately calmed down.

Now I am alone in the house with Kyle - grandparents and dad have gone to a Dodger game. Currently, Kyle is hanging out in the Ocean Wonders Aquarium Bouncy Seat, with one eye open, watching me. Any second now, he will start screaming, because of course his next feeding should have happened about 20 minutes ago.

P.S. To my internet friends: keep the advice coming. You make me feel so much less alone.

Message in a Bottle

It's about 5:30 PM and I just took a shower. Next, I will take a nap. Kyle is finally napping himself, so I must do as "they" say and sleep when the baby sleeps.

Now, when I post on this site, I feel like I am sneaking around, stealing a few minutes for myself on the sly. Like a prisoner writing a note and throwing it out the window of her tower, begging for help. Or a castaway stranded on a desert island, looking for a rescuer.

The Incredible Sleeping Baby has become Incredible Eating Baby. He's two weeks tomorrow, which is a breastfeeding milestone - apparently he's going through a "growth spurt" and wants to eat all the time. I mean ALL the time - I barely have enough of a rest between feedings for my milk to come in again. He drains each one, then gets all pissed when he can't get any more milk out of them. He flails his little head from side to side, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. If I try to give him a pacifier, he gets a VERY unhappy look on his face and starts to yell, as if to say "woman, this is NOT made of flesh. Take it away!"

I know this too shall pass. I'm so lucky my mother is taking care of me, otherwise I wouldn't take a shower EVER AGAIN.

Healing

When I started this website I meant for it to tell tales about my pregnancy. Now I'm in what's considered the fourth trimester - for Kyle, that means his little brain and motor skills are still developing. For me, it means my body is putting itself back together.

The physical trauma of giving birth has left my groinal area ravaged, of course. It didn't hurt so much at the time, but it hurts like hell now. After some confusion and pain and thinking I might have an infection, my doctor basically told me I'm just healing, and that's why it hurts so bad. Give it time. Huh. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not very patient. This is something I am learning. Patience with my body, with my baby, with my husband, with pretty much everything. (Except our gardener, whom we fired last week. Yay!)

My boobs, which have never been much to brag about, have reached unprecedented size. Pretty bodacious, I might say. Stewart wants to take a picture of them, just for us. I haven't let him do this yet. But with the pleasure comes the pain. They friggin' hurt, man. They hurt before I nurse, they hurt while I nurse, and they hurt after I nurse. I could go on about this for a long time, in great detail, but I think I hear Kyle wanting to nurse again.

My fatigue level, expectedly, is pretty high. I am kind of brain dead, which is probably why this post is not very entertaining, witty, or informative. The fatigue also adds to my emotional rollercoaster. I have a weepy time of day every day. It's so much to handle.

Well, here comes the Revenge of the Angry Sucking Baby. Later.

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The Incredible Sleeping Baby

In a this-is-too-good-to-be-true story, Kyle has been sleeping pretty steadily since last night at 11:30. We are waking him regularly to feed him, but then he goes right back to sleep. We slept 6 hours in a row last night, and I already took a 2-hour nap! I'm sure he won't sleep again at all until next week.

Angel baby 

Day 10

Kyle is now 10 days old. He eats like a champ, leaving me exhausted. It is almost round the clock - but he has slept 5 hours in a row at night for 2 nights now. Hallelujah!

I was wholly unprepared for his demand on my time. Thank God for my mother, who is waiting on us hand and foot. She brings me water and painkillers while I am breastfeeding. She does my laundry. She goes grocery shopping. She hugs me when I cry. And of course I cry all the time.

Hormones, of course.

Kyle Tracy Prince

We're Not Worthy





Kyle Tracy Prince
Born Sunday, April 10, 2005 3:07 PM
8 lb. 14 oz. 21"

We arrived home from the hospital exactly 48 hours after Kyle was born. I have taken this long to post because:

a) I just delivered a baby
b) He is always stuck to one of my boobs
c) I couldn't find the words...

I have been thinking a lot about what I would post here. I never came up with something satisfactory. I will just say now that the experience was the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me, and I know Stewart feels the same way. Kyle is perfect and beautiful. It hurts just to look at him.

More later.

Um, Something Just Broke

So I'm lying there in bed, trying to fall asleep, and I feel a rush of liquid...I go to the bathroom, and it's kind of all over the place. Clear and warm. It's 11pm. I called the hospital and the nurse said to take a quick shower and come on in.

I guess I'll post again when I can. This is so monumental. It's also quite interesting that I am BLOGGING THIS before I've even called my mother.

Eviction is Tomorrow (Warning: Bodily Secretions Mentioned in this Post)

Last night I lost my mucous plug. It sounds gross to begin with, and in person it is much more disgusting. If you are female, you are accustomed to gross things coming out of you every month, so at least you are sort of prepared. If you are male and not in possession of an unhealthy interest in these things, skip this post. If you ARE interested, well your wife must be very proud.

Basically it just came out on the toilet paper after I went to the bathroom last night. It was pink and globulous, about the size of a quarter. My doctor lovingly described it as looking like "snot." I really like my doctor.

It doesn't mean much, actually, only that now there is one less layer of protection between the outside world and the baby. The mucous plug acted as a barrier against bacteria and other foreign objects, like my doctor's hand, or various specula. Losing your plug means that you will probably go into labor in the next century, but it is still regarded as a sign that labor is imminent.

Here are some ways I have heard of to get labor started:
sex
yoga
walking
ingestion of:
pineapple
red wine
stout beer
raspberry leaf tea
evening primrose oil

Check back later to see how many of the above I have tried by the end of today.

The Beer Wins!

It's so nice to have doctor friends. Last night my friend Lisa, who is a neonatologist, and therefore extremely qualified for things like this, told me I could have the beer. So I had the beer. And it was very, very good.

In other news, I just went to my 39 week doctor appointment (well, 39.5) and I had both doctors in my group betting on when I'll have this fool baby. One says Sunday, one thinks it won't be until next Tuesday. I almost said "care to make it interesting?" and took out 20 bucks...but I didn't. I'm only 1-2 cm dilated, with a softening cervix (that the doc poked around in, trying to get labor going). Stewart came with me this time, and he was a little freaked out by all the blood that came out after that, but the doc said it's normal, and to me it wasn't any different than what happens monthly, but Stewart had never actually SEEN that before, so he came away a bit lightheaded. The doc laughed and said "just WAIT!"

Cravings

I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want a beer.

Calm Before the Storm

I was just trying to describe how I feel in an email to LD. I wonder if it worked. I told her that I feel like a snowball that rolled downhill gathering more and more snow until it got so big it slowed down...a lot. The bigger it got, the more it slowed down. That's how I feel. I have small bursts of activity followed by a nap. I can barely summon enough energy to pick up the phone and make calls. The only thing I am interested in doing right now is surfing other blogs and reading how miserable other women were before they gave birth.

I should correct that. I actually don't feel miserable. But I do feel kind of stinky. I mean, you know me. I do a lot of stuff. Even though I haven't had a job in 2 months, I've kept myself really busy. I have a to-do list on my computer desktop, and I consult it regularly. That is the only way I was able to accomplish an almost complete remodel of the south wing of our house. (Doesn't that sound fancy? Relax - it's just three bedrooms and a hallway, and I skipped the 2 bathrooms, because Stewart said he'll do them.)

So now that I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to watch Oprah - wait, I've been falling asleep on Oprah lately so that is a lie, even - I feel this lingering guilt. Confessions of a type-A dropout or something. On the other hand, I LOVE naps, so they make me feel so much better, and I am eternally grateful to my husband that I am allowed this time to simply stay at home and grow a big, healthy baby. Just by sitting here, I am doing something, letting a life grow inside me.

Now he is plenty big. SO COME OUT, ALREADY!!!!

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39 Weeks: Pencil Me In

I just looked at my Palm Pilot to see if I had anything going on today. Ha! That's almost a joke, because my calendar is so clear you can see through it. It's just that I don't remember which day is which anymore. And now with the time change...oy. It's hard to know what HOUR it is. Half the clocks in my house have been updated, half haven't. It's hard to remember which half is which. I'll put that on my to-do list, and then I'll have something going on today.

But I looked ahead on my calendar and I see have a big event coming up. Something I entered last August. BABY DUE! There are six days left until my due date. How did that HAPPEN? As the time went by it seemed to go so slowly, but now it's here and I look back on it and it feels like it flew by! And in two weeks or less there will be another person in our lives. And there will be SO much to do that I will not give a crap about what my Palm Pilot says.

Ow.

I think the baby has gotten exponentially bigger in the last 48 hours. He's still moving around like a champ, but there's a lot less room for him in there, so my skin is stretching and my ribs have to be moved aside. Meanwhile, I have indigestion from the GIGANTIC breakfast I ate today. So there's all kinds of pain happening in my belly, but none of it is the kind that comes with the delightful panic of the beginning of labor.

I am READY for labor. JF let me borrow her birthing ball. My hospital bag is packed and ready to go. The neighbors have been warned that we may need them to let the dog out. Now I just need my friend Lisa to come back from the east coast, and my mom to fly out here on a moment's notice. In the meantime, I am hyper-aware of any sensation that may relate to labor. Slight cramp? Could be a contraction! A little wetness down there? Could be my water breaking! Oops, no, I just laughed too hard and peed my pants a little.

The Penis Wins

Last night Stewart and I visited JF from the pregnant ladies list. She is no longer pregnant, but has a 5 day old new baby, Lucas. I watched her dress the circumcision wound, and it didn't look so bad. Lucas didn't enjoy it much, but he could have been crying less about the wound and more about three women standing there inspecting his johnson for 10 minutes.

I was startled by Lucas's size because he was 7 pounds at birth. That is a small kid - he was light as a feather in my arms. But I wasn't taken aback by how small he is - I look at a baby's size from a new perspective: pushing it out of my nether regions. In that case, Lucas is HUGE. His head is the size of a small canteloupe. I mean, he's only 5 days old, so he can't be much bigger now than when he came out. I tried to imagine my squirmy little fetus being as big as Lucas but I could not. This is a serious case of denial - the evidence is staring me right in the face, literally, but the reality has still not hit me. Yikes.

Since you are all waiting on the edges of your seats to know...yes, we will have the baby circumcised. Sorry, Trevor. It wasn't a tough decision. Stewart rarely feels strongly about anything, and he feels strongly about this, so I'm going with it, because I could have gone either way. But that is NOT why the penis wins. The penis wins for most comments on one post that I have ever received on this blog. A popular topic, no?

Things I Don't Need To Know About a Penis

Let's be honest. The penis is not the most attractive part of a human body, male or female, in my opinion. So I don't usually dwell on it. But it came up as part of a very important conversation about our unborn son. When we were in the hospital at 28 weeks for my pre-term labor scare, the nurse asked us if we planned to have our baby circumcised.

I had never thought about it, really, being averse to thinking about penises in general. My husband's immediate reaction was, "yes, of course." But I hesitated. Why be so quick to decide? It is really necessary to circumcise, or do we just do it because that is what is done? Is it true that it's more hygienic to circumcise, or is that just a myth, and could it be better to leave your baby's penis intact? Why do I feel like I'm writing an episode of "Sex and the City?"

Well, since Stewart was so convinced, I went along with him and said "yes" to the question also.

But then yesterday my friend Trevor came over to preach the Joys of Uncircumcising. He brought with him a 400-page binder that is full of testimonials and scientific-looking quotes about why it is better to have an "intact penis." There are even diagrams and pictorial representations of the circumcision process. It was quite a revolting sight, if you ask me (which you didn't, and if you're too grossed out by now, you're welcome to navigate off this site). I read a little bit of the literature and then chose not to think about it anymore.

Until Stewart came home. He found the book and exclaimed "what is THIS?!" He looked through it a little bit, too, and it didn't seem to bother him. Then on the way to dinner we discussed it a bit more, and then AT DINNER with four other men and one other woman we discussed it even further. It seems people have strong opinions about this topic. One of our fellow diners had even videotaped his son's circumcision in the hospital. He said he was curious, because of course he didn't remember his own circumcision! And he did admit that the procedure made him feel faint.

I am intrigued by all of this because as I come closer to having a baby boy I am facing dealing with baby boy parts on a daily basis. And in the future I will have to answer his questions, or say "ask your father." And hopefully his father will have answers, because HE'S the one who's gonna be witnessing the circumcision procedure this time.