April 10

2005

Our little Mr. Bean

2006

First pair of shoes!

2007

First horse!

2008 First bike! You can't see it, but he's riding his "big-boy bike." Yes, those are his Christmas pajamas, but they're his favorite, and on your birthday you should get to wear your favorite pajamas.

***

Today Kyle is three years old. At this time three years ago I was pushing, pushing, pushing, thinking "I cannot do this. I CANNOT." I was pushing for my life, and his.

Today he is pushing me, his father, and the boundaries of the life around him. We have a great responsibility upon us. We are helping him form his personality. We are teaching him about the world, about how he should act, about when he has done something good and when he has hurt somebody, how to distinguish between the two. For my part, I have a knee-jerk drive to tell him to be careful, watch your step, lower your head, don't cross the street without holding an adult's hand, don't touch that because it's hot, you might fall down, you might hurt yourself, you might get sick...it never ends.

This child is uncannily smart. He knew the planets at 18 months. He knows his letters, numbers, colors, shapes, instruments, and how to spell STOP and DOG and of course, KYLE. He knows songs I have never heard. He plays the guitar and draws the ocean. He can say anything you ask him to say (except caterpillar, which is still "calapittar").

For all he knows, he does not know how angry he makes us, me and his father. For the most part, we have kept our tempers in check, allowing for his age and stumbling inexperience. But there are moments, oh, there are moments, when his pushing touches nerves inside us that create an instant tempest. He shouts, he throws, he hits. He is sent to his room, over and over and over.

I know from other parents that this is only the beginning. The highs and lows will keep hurtling down upon us, and it is our duty to guide Kyle through them to other side as a responsible, empathetic, independent and joyful child.

And even as we help him shape his life, he changes ours daily. He is a source of great comedy, wonder, and above all, love. As he says, "I love you too much, Mommy."

Happy birthday, sweetheart.