April’s Fool
I’m working late, editing a document. I’m plodding along, and the text includes the name “Georgia” and I am hit in the gut by an unmistakable longing.
Georgia. That was the name I would have given to my baby last year if it was a girl.
I realized that I still think about her, my baby girl, like she is a real future person. The thought brings tears to my eyes, because I miss her and she’s not even real.
This idea is different than if I had typed “That was the name I had given to Brady if he was a girl.” Brady is Brady, no doubt about it. All rough and rascally little boy. Clever, too. This evening he mimicked me as he sat in his high chair. I asked him “Do you wanna get down?” He smiled his squishy-face smile and said “Dow!” I think that is his second word, however, since he very clearly repeats “Yay!” upon receiving applause.
But Georgia. I miss her. What does that mean? That I want to have another baby? It’s not in the cards, not in the plans. Someone tell my gut.
Maybe it’s just indigestion.
I hear you about the not in the cards, not in the plans, but someone tell my gut.
IKim, its not too late. You could
still have Geogia.
Love Mana & Granpa.
The syntax in your post is important, and I think it is natural for you to still mourn the little girl you wanted. It takes nothing away from Brady because it is a separate, distinct thing. Feel free to feel it and express it
Maybe instead of “mourn” you should “long for” this future little girl. Connecticut has different water….