I can quit any time I want.
This is an update on my bizarro “medical” condition. I put that in quotes because it seems medical, but I haven’t consulted additional doctors beyond the first two that I saw last week. So it could be all in my mind, in which case, I would rather my mind come up with the next Great American Novel and stop wasting its time slowly driving me mad.
The day after I posted this, I woke up in the morning and did not experience the weird eye twitching that I had every day for the previous two weeks.
Huh. Blog as healer? Confessional that relieves the stress that was making this happen in the first place?
Not necessarily. Every day since then I have been feeling slightly dizzy almost all the time – a condition I like to call “pre-dizzy.” I’m not dizzy, but I’m not not dizzy.
It’s dizzying, isn’t it?
I had planned to capture my eye twitch on camera by sitting in front of my computer first thing in the morning and just recording my face until I felt it. Which is pretty farfetched, I know, but I wanted evidence to bring to the neurologist because describing the symptom just makes me feel ridiculous.
Since it hasn’t happened, I’m fixated on the weird almost-dizzy sensation. It’s as if I am wearing a helmet filled with water. Kind of like Sandy, but in reverse. My Aunt Kathy scolded me for not continuing to find appropriate medical advice and/or treatment, saying that it’s a Tracy family trait to put off seeking medical attention, figuring that it will get better, or we’ll wait until it gets worse. I promised her I’d call the doctor on Monday. That’s today. I’ll do that, for realz.
Meanwhile, I have continued to cut down on caffeine. I made it through the whole week with a ratio of caffeinated:decaf coffee scoops of 4:1. That wasn’t so bad. And apparently when Stewart made the coffee he did 3:2 and I didn’t even know it.
And the alcohol – that one was a little more annoying. I love to pour a glass of wine when I’m making dinner, and/or drink one while writing during the sunset hour. Last week, when I opened the fridge without thinking to grab the bottle, I silently cursed my pledge to cut it out as a chemical experiment, but I stuck with it, thinking it would mean I’m some kind of alcoholic if I couldn’t just do this for myself. It shouldn’t be this vexing.
Notably, I had a glass of wine at dinner with my girlfriends Saturday night. I had actually been feeling better that day – no eye twitching, not as much pre-dizziness during the day. I rationalized that once a week would be fine. Then, boom. A few minutes after I finished my glass, I realized I was feeling it again.
Internet, this isn’t fair. If I have to stop drinking altogether to make this weird “condition” go away, I will, but I’ll be pretty pissed about it. I definitely was bitchier last night while cleaning the kitchen – I knew a nice cold glass of Chardonnay would have cheered me up a little. Is this what happens when your body ages? Shit just breaks down and you must go to great lengths to get it back to normal? Getting old sucks.