Get Off My Lawn


I’m becoming a cranky old lady. Here is a short list of things that I can no longer tolerate: hashtags, group texts, the slightest hint of heartburn, shitty cocktails, a lack of available parking spaces, traffic, being late for anything, being kept waiting for anything, passive aggressive announcements of “friend-cleaning” on Facebook, or for that matter – Facebook, mint in anything other than Thin Mints or Altoids, bananas in anything other than a peel, olives, staying up late when I’m really tired, or kids who talk back. It’s a good thing I don’t know any kids like that.

Just One Paragraph 11/30

My Florinda Shelf

Florinda says goodbye to her books.

Florinda says goodbye to her books.

I have this friend. Her name is Florinda and she is a book blogger. (She is also in our world famous Wordless Wednesday linkup and she’s also doing this Just One Paragraph challenge – our great minds think alike.) That is a person who blogs about books – it’s pretty plain and simple. In her years of book blogging, she has amassed quite a library of review copies and galleys and just…books. And today she emailed me and invited me to come “shopping” in her book stash because she is moving and she is getting rid of books she has already read, and even some she finally admitted she probably will never read. It’s like when I clean out my closet – letting go of that comfy sweater that I finally admit I will never wear again, even though I bought it in 1988, is hard. But it will find a good home on someone else’s body. I jumped at the chance and hauled the boys with me up to her house, where they did NOT behave as I looked through the stacks. I chose titles based on their authors, or their covers, or the fact that Florinda liked them or blogged about them or sometimes, both. In this case, the books found a good home with my brain, which looks at the stack that I chose from among the dozens and dozens and DOZENS to choose from, and calculates how quickly I’ll be able to burn through them. Stewart gives me a year.

My "Florinda" shelf.

My “Florinda” shelf.

Just One Paragraph 10/30

There’s a Zombie on Your Lawn

My kids have discovered that they can watch YouTube videos on our big-screen TV using the Wii U. Okay, they discovered that option because I showed it to them. It’s a double-edged sword, my excitement about technology. I figure something out, get all stoked about it, and show it to them. Next thing I know, they want to use it all the time. I’m talking from the moment they wake up in the morning until the moment they are dragged whining and clawing for solid ground off to bed. For the past few days they have been watching what many kids their age have been watching in order to make YouTubers famous: other people playing their favorite video game of the moment, Plants vs. Zombies. And mash-ups of game scenes set to music. And claymation simulations of the game. And a little kid’s hilarious demo of the game characters he created using Legos and clay. “This is my favorite one,” he narrates as the camera records his hand picking up a tiny LEGO with a clay mushroom cap, that instantly falls off. “But yeah, he’s lame too. Moving on to the next guy…” My kids moved on to scenes from PVZ2, the second iteration of the game that has more sophisticated animation, many new levels, and curious places to plant your defensive characters, like the solid floor of an ancient Egyptian tomb. What the? I said that out loud when we were watching it yesterday, and Kyle said “I know, right?” When in the hell did he turn 16?

Time to Blog

There are a lot of resources for bloggers of every stripe that promise to give one inspiration for blogging ideas. Topics, tricks, what to do when you run out of things to blog about. But that’s never been my problem. I have so many ideas, so many things I can write about, but not enough time for them all. On the rare occasion when I sit down to craft a post and nothing’s coming to me, I can turn to my long list of products, books, or experiences I received that the giver hopes will inspire a positive review. And sometimes, depending on my mood, I don’t even feel like writing about those things. Sometimes the words just don’t flow. Tonight is not one of those nights. I want to tell you about how we spent the last hour, in the dark by the firepit sipping tea or wine, roasting marshmallows. The children devised a risky game of hide and seek in the dark. They had flashlights and only turned them on when it was time to seek. In the silence while the hiders were still hidden, there was a disembodied belch from one corner of the patio. That kid was soon found. We looked at the stars through the iPhone using an amazing star mapping app. We sat there until the fire died, and one kid inevitably stubbed his toe on the bricks. The air was finally cool. We smelled the smoke and heard crickets. Then we said goodbye to our visitors and I remembered my Just One Paragraph.

Photo by Desiree Eaglin