Look, Ma! I changed my profile photo.
My mother has been nagging me to change the profile photo on my blog for a very long time. Especially since I decided to try blonde hair for the first time last fall.
So. There you have it ——>.
It’s taken a while because I have a lot on my plate and things like dicking around with the way my blog looks are not very high up on my priority list, except when they suddenly are. Suddenly, today, this was.
I’m different now. My life will never be the same. I’m older. I had several spots of actinic keratosis frozen off my face this morning with liquid nitrogen. That happens to “older adults.”
I’m sadder. The grief I have faced sometimes gets duller, but it’s never really gone.
So finally this morning, when adding a new link to my “about me” page, I decided to update the photo there and change the profile pic, too, to a recent photo of myself that I like. As I clicked “delete” on the now-famous cowboy hat pic, I realized I had something to say about it.
When this picture was taken at the end of 2008, my Uncle Stephen was alive. My Grampa was alive. Lisa was alive. But also, I was overweight and angry all the time, even though I had these beautiful children and this husband and this career and this house and all the other theses and thises. A lifetime of blessings doesn’t make a person happy, even though it seems like it should.
I’m happy now, even though I am often sad. I wish I could point to what changed, but I think it’s something vague. Something like getting older.