There is no true rhyme or reason behind my choices of gems for this week. I scroll through my old posts (how did there get to be so many?) and I pick one that resonates with me. The post below does so because I am starting to lose the baby fever. The other night I got to hold itty bitty Maddie and I as I picked her up I braced myself for the inevitable twinges but they didn’t come. I’ve thought about that a lot since then. And that means look out, mothers of baby girls. I might have to borrow your children from time to time.
April’s Fool – Originally Posted 4/1/08
I’m working late, editing a document. I’m plodding along, and the text includes the name “Georgia” and I am hit in the gut by an unmistakable longing.
Georgia. That was the name I would have given to my baby last year if it was a girl.
I realized that I still think about her, my baby girl, like she is a real future person. The thought brings tears to my eyes, because I miss her and she’s not even real.
This idea is different than if I had typed “That was the name I had given to Brady if he was a girl.” Brady is Brady, no doubt about it. All rough and rascally little boy. Clever, too. This evening he mimicked me as he sat in his high chair. I asked him “Do you wanna get down?” He smiled his squishy-face smile and said “Dow!” I think that is his second word, however, since he very clearly repeats “Yay!” upon receiving applause.
But Georgia. I miss her. What does that mean? That I want to have another baby? It’s not in the cards, not in the plans. Someone tell my gut.
Maybe it’s just indigestion.
Yes, I remember that post well. And I remember well those words at the end “It’s not in the cards, not in the plans. Someone please tell my gut.” Because I remember feeling the exact same way. The month you wrote that I had my baby factory shut down due to female issues. And though there were no thoughts of another baby for practical reasons, my heart ached to know now it really was never to be.
You can borrow Maddie anytime. Especially after she learns how to talk back.
I too remember this post well. I could definately identify it.
I have almost definately made the decision to put an end to my ability to have children with surgery this fall. Mother nature and biology are against me anyway, and pill #3 is no longer effective in easing the pain after only 5 months.
We will see when I pick up Baby Ledger on Tuesday night for our friend date with him if it can hold out. At least he is not a little girl!
YsMUPM stzutljgilji