They’ll Grow With You

No posts for a while because I haven’t been quite myself lately. Stewart would argue that I have been different ever since I got pregnant, but that’s another matter. Two weeks of being out of commission due to bad back or bronchitis put me quite behind, and now my parents have been visiting for a week and I’ve tried to spend as much time with them as possible while also working and preparing for my 2.5-week grand tour of the east coast. I’ll stay there after work is done for the Christmas weekend, then I’ll finally come back to my house at the end of December. Needless to say, after I leave town on Wednesday, there may not be another post for another long while.

In the meantime, let’s talk about shopping for maternity clothes, shall we? Having never been pregnant, and having never weighed as much as a small cow, I have happily fitted into sizes well within “normal woman” range for my whole life thus far. Now that seams are straining and buttons are threatening to pop off of my clothes, AND now that I have to carry 2.5 weeks worth of clothing on the road with me, I was forced to give in and create a whole new wardrobe that could fit “the back end of a bus” as Kate Winslet called her pregnant self. Thank God my mother was here to act as my personal shopper, because I never could have done it alone.

We ventured to The Mall and a lovely little store called Motherhood, which only sells maternity clothing. I hesitated at the threshold, conscious of the fact that once I crossed, I would officially be a Pregnant Lady. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, as you have seen, I love telling people that I’m pregnant and reaping the singular benefits of politeness and deference that people show me once they know. It’s just that now I truly am starting to feel like the back end of a bus, and I was afraid that the clothing, large enough to cover the extra flesh, would make it more obvious. Well, was I in for a treat!

Turns out I’m a hot pregnant chick. Now that I no longer have a waist, pants fit me! Jeans fit me! Stuff fits me! It’s maternity clothing that fits, of course, but at least it fits! On the first try! Before, I would wander from store to store in search of jeans that were meant for a curvaceous woman instead of a 14-year-old girl with no ass. Now, my mom could bring in a lovely outfit and it just would fit me and look great. I walked out of that store with three huge shopping bags. Tally: 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of khakis, 1 pair of nice black pants, long sleeved t-shirts in 3 colors, 4 lovely blouses, 2 turtleneck sweaters (yes, I live in CA, but I’ll be freezing on the east coast in December), 1 camisole with built-in bra, and 2 coordinating sweatsuits of the variety that I swore I’d never wear but look darling on me in my new hot pregnant chick state. One even has the word BABY on the front in a sports-themed style, as if BABY is a team that I’m rooting for. Go Baby!

Now I can’t stop. I hit the maternity section of Old Navy just this afternoon and came out with 2 packages of maternity bikini underwear (1 is Christmas-themed, the old me would gag), a cardigan sweater, some cute pants I saw on a pregnant friend, and another camisole with built-in bra. My mother and I even stood in the 20 minute long line to check out. Here’s something I never knew: Old Navy has a game called Lucky in Line – if you are UN-lucky enough to be caught in a line of this length, a perky staff member will give away coupons if you win her cute little games. It was actually entertaining, and my mom won a dollar because she was the first to hold up postage stamps she dug out of her purse.

My parents are here for two more nights. Tomorrow, we get to watch the premiere of my last show. Tuesday, they are leaving, and I have to pack for my long trip. Wednesday, Stewart and I go back to the doctor’s office for the ultrasound that should reveal the gender of our baby, and the general checkup. I’m really looking forward to that visit, but then directly after that, Stewart will drive me to the airport, where I will leave this beautiful place, not to return for 3 and a half weeks. Do check back at the end of December for the conclusion to this cliffhanger: boy or girl? Then we can have fun picking names.