Asshat of the Week

House of Prince will now feature “Asshat of the Week.” Why? Because.

This week’s asshat prize goes to Live with Regis and That Annoying Blonde Woman Who Keeps Brushing Imaginary Hair Out of Her Face.

Today they announced the 10 finalists in their Beautiful Baby Search, for which they received “hundreds of thousands” of entries. A friend of mine told me about this contest a few weeks ago, so I entered this picture of Kyle:

I noted in my Palm Pilot calendar (the one that’s mostly empty) that today is the day that the finalists would be announced. I remembered to watch the show. Let me preface for a moment by telling you that I NEVER watch morning television shows other than Sesame Street, because I consider them all insipid and useless, especially Good Day L.A. My old roommate used to watch that show and I was subjected to it by mere proximity to the television as I would get ready for work. Boy oh boy, is this woman an annoying super slut ho bag. A coworker of mine at the cable entertainment network told me she was “good friends” with her, like I was supposed to be impressed. Anyway. I hate those shows, can you tell? They’re all about how “cute” and “funny” the hosts are. I don’t need to see Katie Couric’s latest hairstyle or watch her try on showshoes or bake beans for hurricane survivors. I just want to see the weather report or find out how bad traffic is. Luckily, in Los Angeles the answers are usually the same, as in “weather = sunny and warm. Traffic = sucky and depressing.”

But in the name of making my son famous and rich, I watched Live With Regis and Skeletal Blonde Chick Whose Makeup Makes Her Look Like One of Those Chicks From Bananarama this morning. First they subjected me to their Mindless Banter about the Olympics. Then they talked about the babies, and I paid attention, but it was just a tease. Commercial. Cuba Gooding Jr. and his new movie. Annoying Chick gets to wear a dress made by the latest freak in a cutoff Army surplus jacket from Project Runway. Finally, she goes away and Regis shows us pictures of the top ten babies.

I know that the numbers are against us. I know that there are LOTS of cute babies. I know that everyone thinks their baby is the most beautiful. I also know that I am the only one who thinks that who is right.

Needless to say, Kyle was not among the finalists. They didn’t even show his picture in the montage of cute babies who were NOT finalists.

Obviously, as if it wasn’t already SO APPARENT BEFORE…the people who create this show are idiots. As a tv insider, I’m a teensy bit curious to know if the finalists were chosen because somehow they would make good television if one of them won. But I hate this fucking show so much anyway that I don’t really care, and I’m never going to watch it again. Neither should you.