Songs That Stab Me in the Heart: “Say Something” by a Great Big World Featuring Christina Aguilera

This song has been out for a while and I’ve wanted to post it for months but I’ve been feeling good and not dwelling on sad songs. Every time I hear it, though, all of the sadness from all the times comes back in a powerful wave.

It is a beautiful song. It is a funeral march for love. I am always immediately drawn in by the mournful thud of the opening piano notes, and the first time I heard the song, I perked up when I realized the female vocalist is Christina Aguilera, which wasn’t immediately obvious to me until her signature belt comes in around 3:07. I love her voice.

You probably know the song already, but if you don’t, listen. However, do NOT watch this video unless you need to collapse in a soggy, puddled mess of tears. It is manipulative and over the top and it totally works.

(Now that you watched the video against my vehement warning, you should go here to watch the antidote, another Aguilera tune that I love that is hilarious and wrong.”

Wordless Wednesday: Pizote Crossing

pizote crossingNear the Westin Playa Conchal in Costa Rica. From farther away it looks like Brontosaurus Crossing.

That’s a Good Enough Reason For Me

writer of regard

“If you introduce yourself as a writer you’ll be treated with regard when seen writing.” – Lavinia Spalding, Writing Away

I had to do something to get that giant picture of me out of the landing spot on this site, and Spalding’s words have been kicking around in my head for a few days, so I thought I’d share. This book on travel journaling is inspiring, comforting, and full of life, just like Spalding herself. I met her in Costa Rica and she led a writing workshop which was the thing I have been looking for all these years every time I go to a blogging conference. Duh, it wasn’t a blogging conference I needed, was it?

The Secret

clb headshotphoto by Cherie-Lynn Buchanan

I have a secret, is what this picture says. I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to keep it in here and let it sparkle in my eye, and amuse me, and be the thing that makes me feel special even when I am overwhelmed, or terrified, or insecure, or intimidated.

The secret is that the photographer is very talented, and whatever she said made me make that face.

I like that face.

She took the photo in Costa Rica last month, at the very end of the ROAR Retreat that I attended as a great pilgrimage after all these years of redefinition. You can see it in my eyes, in my skin, in my hairstyle, even what I’m wearing. That gaping triangle of skin on my chest? Never in my real life, but given the courage and abandon I felt in Playa Conchal? Absolutely.

After 4 days of indulging in my every whim – cocktail, Senora? Yes please. Need a ride to your room? Si, senor. Kick my shoes off and swim in the body-temperature ocean? Outta my way. – I was feeling young/old. Adventurous, in touch, brimming with words and emotion. Living.

It’s been two weeks since I left Costa Rica. I have sat at my computer staring at the screen, looking at photos, reading other recaps and viewing others’ photos of our experience that was at once so communal and yet individual, unable to wrangle the words into line in a way that makes you understand what happened to me there. And so I haven’t been able to share it with you.

But this picture.

It’s the closest I get to this:

courtney lovephoto by Jonathan Carroll

…which is how I see myself on the inside. I’ve never really let her out, have I?

That’s the secret.