Ladyface Peak in Agoura Hills, CA
I’ll go gently into 2018. I am recovering from loss and sickness, too much travel, too much to do.
Everyone’s load is heavy, and mine isn’t special, but right now it’s so close, so personal, so heavy. I lost my grandmother and one of my oldest most special friends. I flew to Connecticut twice in 2 weeks. It was bitterly cold when I left, with the additional gift of a terrible cold that has turned to bronchitis and filled my head with fuzz. Also, the usual homesickness.
Today is January 1. My heart wants to get outside on a trail and hike to the top of a mountain, to get clear of everything that blocks my view. My one big goal for 2017 was to hike the peak that’s near my house. It’s not even that big of a climb, only about 1,100 feet, and I’ve done that before. But I made it legendary in my mind. A project. A goal. I knew I’d feel so good about myself for doing it. I planned it for December, but then that month’s events and now my bronchitis made it impossible. I’m disappointed.
But I’m too tired to be hard on myself for that, or anything else. The new year stretches before me, begging me to make goals for it. Right now I’ll just clean off my desk.
Happy new year, everyone.
My Nana passed away two weeks ago. Her impact on my life and the person I've become was profound. With permission, I am sharing my Aunt Karen's eulogy, which she read to family and friends the day we laid her to rest. Thank you all for being here to pay tribute to, and celebrate the life of, my mother, Mary Tracy. Special thanks to my family that has traveled from afar, back and forth, and to … [Read More...]
I'm starting to lose feeling in my face. It's just as well. I have to be hammered to get through this. Apparently, you can still smoke in bars in Milwaukee, or at least in strip clubs. My eyes water from it. I rub them, coughing. When my vision clears, I see her. Sliding down the length of the pole up on the side stage, her eyes closed, her skin paper white. Thick blue eye shadow, flaming … [Read More...]
I met Stewart in 1997. We waited five years to get married. There was a lot of life and getting to know each other in those five years. It took five more years to make this family. And here we are today. (Well, in March of this year.) Someone pressed fast-forward. I can't believe how quickly the time went by. Happy fifteen to us! … [Read More...]
Writing prompt from my last writers' group meeting*: Write a poem or story about opposites. You have ten minutes. I've got this dead girl who follows me around. I keep her inside me like a secret, and she doesn't like that. Sometimes she swells up like when you smack your shin with a Razor scooter and a bump appears there with a bruise. My mom always puts a cold pack on it, to keep the … [Read More...]
I've been listening to "vintage" music on my iPod lately and "Rain King" by Counting Crows came on and I've always loved it. I listened hard to the lyrics maybe for the first time. When I think of heaven Deliver me in a black-winged bird I think of flying down into a sea of pens and feathers And all other instruments of faith and sex and God In the belly of a black-winged bird The … [Read More...]