Songs That Stab Me in the Heart: “100 Years” by Five For Fighting

Monday, PM

You’ll notice a trend in these songs. Many of them are about loss, or memories. Maybe it’s my age, or the losses I have suffered, which by comparison to people around the world are tame. Maybe it’s the weird place I’m in, creatively, professionally, personally. But lines like this fill me with longing and regret:

I’m ninety nine for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

Who am I missing? Is it a love lost? A friend lost? A family member lost? Or is it myself, lost? Undefined, caught in this time of my life that is labeled mostly as Mother/Wife, partially as Writer/Friend, often fully self-appointed Mess.

I had actually avoided “100 Years” since it was released a few years ago. Just the open tinkly piano notes were enough to make me change the station or click away, because in an instant I knew what the song’s lyrics meant. The passage of time, the chances missed, the lost youth, the fading life. In a twist, it was my children who lingered on the song tonight, dancing to the Kidz Bop channel on Pandora. I heard the song come on and I moved to skip it and Brady said “No, I love this song!” and they started a funny little dance.

I didn’t make it past the first verse. I came up here with my half glass of wine to write this post, and I watched the video and read the lyrics. I saw all of my selves, and my grandparents, and the people who died too young. I saw my lost loves and my found love. If this was an old-school CRT monitor, I would see myself, too.

Wordless Wednesday: And the Oscar Goes To…

Best Costume Design…Brady!


Best Photo Bomb…Kyle!


It’s a Wordless Wednesday link ring! And this time there is a theme – “And the Oscar Goes To…” Please go check out the carefully curated Wordless Wednesday posts below:

Desiree Eaglin: And the Oscar Goes To… – Wordless Wednesday
Florinda Pendley Vasquez: Wordless Wednesday: The Oscar Goes To…
Candice Kahn:And the Oscar Goes To…
Catalina Juarez:And the Oscar Goes To…-Wordless Wednesday
Susanna Morgan:Oscar Meyer Wiener Winner – Wordless Wednesday

Pin It

Superpower #34

It is bedtime. Stewart is reading to the kids. I am “wired in.” Brady quietly opens the door to my office. I turn from my computer and look at him expectantly. He has a request.

“Where’s that head thing?”

“What head thing?

“The thing you put on your head.”

“What does it look like?

“Like that other thing that is a backscratcher.”

I smile because I know exactly what he’s talking about and exactly where it is. As I realize this he says “You’re the one who knows where all the things are.

I do indeed. It is in the basket on top of the bookcase on the left side of the front room. That’s a lot of prepositions. After just one, his father would be lost.

“Go back to bed and I’ll get it for you.”

I walk downstairs, retrieve the wire head massager, and bring it to the little boy in the bed. He smiles. I go back to work.

Songs That Stab Me in the Heart: “Cannonball” by Damien Rice

there’s still a little bit of your song,
in my ear,
there’s still a little bit of your words,
i long to hear,
you step a little closer to me,
so close that i can’t see,
what’s going on

All of the live versions of this song (even the cover by a makeup-plastered quartet on X Factor) are better than the studio recordings. This one is my favorite. It’s a pretty heart-wrenching song already, but then if you see the last comment on this YouTube upload, you will be even sadder. Click at your own risk.

Last weekend I went to The Spa at La Costa where Lisa and I had gone together almost two years ago. There is a reflexology pathway built of stones – you are supposed to walk on it barefoot, letting the stones massage your feet. She spent a lot of time on that path during our 2010 visit.

I took a moment and stood in the center of a vortex of stones, looking down and thinking about her. I imagined her standing next to me – her hair, her spa bathrobe, what she would say if she could speak to me with words. What it would be like if she was a ghost and could visit me and hang out with me at a spa. How absurd-funny-macabre that would be. I couldn’t linger long because I was with a group of people, but that moment was good.

Pin It