This was an original post for Los Angeles Moms Blog on June 29, 2009. LA Moms Blog was acquired by Technorati so I post my archives on Friday. I cross-posted the piece here on House of Prince. You can find the whole thing here at “Seven.”
A few weeks ago I had lunch with a colleague whom I had not seen in years. His first news: I am getting divorced. I felt the announcement like a blow to the sternum. His family makeup is similar to ours – same career structure, age of children, etc. I probed him for the reason. We just weren’t making each other happy, he said.
Is that the measure of a marriage? That we make each other happy? Humans, as mercurial, water-based creatures, can’t be happy every second. What, then, is the percentage of unhappy that tips the balance to talk of divorce?
None of this is to attack divorce. I realize that for many people, they are much happier – there’s that word again – after the smoke has cleared around them and the paperwork has been filed away. But then there are the wayward souls like my friend J., who ended his marriage during its first test. Years later, he wanders alone, wondering if he made an enormous mistake.
Of course, although we’re paired after we take the vows, we’re still among billions of humans who are unlike any other two people. And so I believe in the idea that in any marriage, we must do what works for us, there is no “right” way. If I take it personally when my friends’ marriages falter, so do countless others when celebrities and politicians suffer the same fate. The stuff of scandal allows us, the audience, to stand in judgement, or solidarity. But look within. Is your marriage any better? Is your conscience? If so, congratulations. If not, welcome to the playground.
Read the rest of this post here at “Seven.”