Several years ago a colleague of mine said that I was “irrepressible.” After I looked that word up, I was flattered. It means that you can’t keep me down. Make fun of me, shatter my fantasies, burst my bubble, but I’ll create a new one.
And so, even though my parenting fantasies have not all come true, I continue to come up with new ones. Like the one I have now, which is that first grade and preschool will last forever, and my boys will always be interested in snuggling in bed with me and tickling each other and fighting over inconsequential things like LEGO guys or who gets out of the car first.
And the big one: that they will never be stupid or pressured enough to use drugs, or God forbid, get drunk and drive. Especially not in high school. Aside from locking them in the closet from age 16 to age 21, I’ve figured out that the best I can do is clench all of my muscles in anxiety during those years, and relax only when they are legal and less stupid. I suppose that, since they are boys, that idea will condemn me to a life of misery.
I wonder how I was gifted with the horror of drugs and alcohol at an early age. When I was 16 and kids in my school were planning after-parties for the prom, I was the one who dictated to my friends that there would be NO DRINKING in our circle. (Yes, I was a very fun friend.) If there was even a hint that (gasp) drugs (gasp) were on the premises of a party, I would immediately leave. To be honest, I didn’t go to that many parties. But that’s another post.
Luckily, my paranoia didn’t prevent me from becoming an awesome life-of-the-party friend in later years, but I’m quite sure it prevented me from making any number of serious wrong turns while in high school. I wish I knew my parents’ secret to making a kid like that. I don’t think they even know their secret. My hope is that Kyle and Brady will each have their own healthy dose of self-esteem and fear from whatever anti-drug campaign is running when they are in middle school that they will just say no when alcohol or drugs are offered to them too soon.
Since their high school days are years away, I can sit back and watch as brainy scientific people come up with devices that promise to relieve my anxiety. To do my clenching for me, if you will. Isn’t technology wonderful? Soberlink has introduced a home breathalyzer that sends a blood alcohol level to your phone, with a handy built-in camera and embedded GPS so your teen can’t fake it.
The video feels slightly big-brothery, and the dad hugging the teen girl makes me get a little teary-eyed and miss my dad. Remind me to tell you that one story about how I got arrested when I was 16 and he didn’t get mad.
I hope I won’t need a device like Soberlink, but it’s nice to know it’s out there if necessary. I can’t imagine what will exist by the time my boys are driving. You’re on notice, technology. I expect teleportation by then. Teleporting under the influence isn’t illegal or dangerous, right?
What’s your secret, or your plan? Did you ever get arrested as a teen for underage drinking? Please share!
This post is sponsored by Soberlink. All recollections and opinions are my own.
You were 17 and it was just before graduation.
Oh, Kimmy, we have been working on that too. I regularly talk to the boys about drinking and driving and drugs. Last week, Jackson got a lesson about drugs and homelessess after we encountered a homeless, under the influence appearing man outside a restaurant we were leaving. He asked for money and I ignored him. After we were out of earshot, Jackson questioned me about being rude since the man was talking to me.
We talked about homelessness. About how to help a person like that. I was fortunate to tell him that we DO help that man – each Sunday when we put the “loose change into the collection for the St. Vincent DePaul Society to help the poor and needy of our parish.”
That we give THEM money so they can provide the things that many truly needs, not drugs or alcohol. Then we talked about what drugs and alcohol can do to you financially to your family, etc. We talked about temptation by friends, people pressuring you to look cool, etc. Then when Jackson wanted to learn more, Chris the former police officer talked about the scary part of drugs – the paranoia, the violence, ending up in jail.
The overall conversation went on throughout the car ride, dessert, getting pajamas on, and into bed for well over an hour. I just hope that one day, he remembers.
Holy crap, Suz. That sounds just as difficult as when Kyle said “Mom, how do babies get into your belly?”
Yeah I feel like that cell phone is definitely going overboard. Can you imagine if you were 16 and your parents gave you a cell phone with a breathalyzer? that’s just asking for trouble and saying you don’t trust your children.
I haven’t really thought about this, perhaps I’m just in denial because it seems so far away. I drank in high school (and did not drive), but never did drugs. My parents never had any sort of “talk” with me. I just knew not to do it. Hopefully our kids will too!
Thank you for sharing your story I really believe that young people can learn a lot from your experience, driving and drinking do not go hand in hand.