Every time I mention the dog or the cat, I want to add the phrase “but that’s another post entirely,” because the animals are a great topic of concern for us these days. Since last fall, presumably when my pregnancy hormones were detectable by canine senses, Frida’s behavior has deteriorated. What was once a lovable, excitable, destructive, yet charming puppy is now my biggest household pain in the ass. The cat is no better. I can list their obnoxious behaviors, but I’m already so tired, and that would just make it worse.
Last weekend a friend suggested we find new homes for our animals, considering that every day I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown with just the 2 children to care for. The animals are an added burden that I don’t have time for. At first I just laughed at the suggestion but then I started thinking about how wonderful life would be if they did not live here. No wall-to-wall animal hair carpeting! No poop-eating dogs threatening to lick my children! No cat-siren wailing in the middle of the night! Think of the money we’d save! Etc! Etc!
So I mentioned the idea to Stewart. I was sure he would not agree. But he thought about it for one day and he was all for it.
As soon as he seemed excited about the idea, I regretted bringing it up.
So now I’m stuck. My life would be so much easier if we did not have the cat and the dog. But we’ve had Frida for four years and Molly for almost 3. We’ve changed so many things to accomodate them. Kyle loves to play with them.
On the other hand, I show them no love. I just do not have the time or the patience.
On the other hand…
I emailed our dog trainer for advice. Her instant reaction was to forward my email to her friends in search of a new home for Frida. Is this a sign? Am I a bad animal parent? I must be. I can handle that. If I was a bad kid parent, well then that would just kill me. But in this era of lowered expectations of myself, I guess removing the animals would help me reach my lowered goals even more.
So the trainer asked me for pictures of Frida. I have just been sitting here looking through my photo archives and found the following. It’s very telling that once Kyle was born, there are only a few pictures of the animals. Before him, there were a lot.
Look at the little family we made! This is really hard.
This is me in hotter times – 16 weeks pregnant with Kyle.
I once had to give an animal away to a new home. It is a hard decision. They do become a part of your family. But you understandably have a LOT on your plate right now, and no one would fault you for deciding it was just not the right time in your lives for animals in your home. And the pet hair? That does suck and is a HUGE reason why I’m not at all hip on a furry animal in our house. My girl LOVES dogs. I’m afraid one day she will talk us into one. For now we succumbed to some fish.
We are up against this VERY same thing with our two pugs. We have a 3 1/2 year old son and 10 month old baby girl. Our two pugs have been neglected severely to the point I get frustrated with almost everything I have to do for/with them, which is awful to even put that in writing. The oldest pug was my CHILD for 4 years prior to our first, and now I feel AWFUL because he’s doing terrible. I had to post to let you know I completely understand. I think the fact that you are doing what is right for the animals AND for your family says a lot. I’m sure lots of people would not be so kind. Good luck during this difficult decision!
Shannon, thank you for sharing that. It is exactly how I feel. I do fear that I will face a lot of criticism but i want to hear, that, too. So if anyone has harsh words for me, please bring it on. I am dying for opinions here.
I gave up a dog after Gus was born, too. It was very difficult. I felt as though I was breaking up my family. And the animal people? Nazis. They made me feel even worse, like I was abusing my pet or that I considered my dog disposable. But I also knew those crazy animal people would be just as critical on potential new owners, which gave me comfort, since I wanted him to have a safe and loving new home.
So, if you do decide to go ahead with it, be prepared to feel like a failure for a bit. But really? The calm that comes after the emotions die down is worth the disapproval from the animal crazies.
I have to say that as little as I like cats I love that picture of Molly on top of the ladder, and you know that I think Frida just needs more exercise and more attention. That being said I think that having the strength to admit that Frida is too much right now is admirable and if you can find her somewhere else it might be good for her and your sanity.
Either way, I am always behind you.
Actually acknowledging that the animals need more love and attention is a loving gesture. And that you all aren’t giving it to them you want to find someone who will, while hard, is really the right thing to do. You could go on like this and eventually the animals will feel unwanted and eventually you would want the kids to learn to love animals. The animals will adjust and Frida needs alot more room for exercise. Kyle won’t remember really.
You’ll make the right decision for you. I got my two labs before kids and vowed to always pay attention to them. That surely changed after Hannah was born. They would sit everyday in our small kitchen, (we had no yard at the time) and stare at me. When Emily came along it was even worst, but now that they are a little older they pay attention to the dogs and always ask to go in the back with them. Bill would love for me to get rid of them, but I know I would be an emotional wreck if I did. Plus, they are almost 10. Everyone’s situation is different….guess you have to figure it out.
Deanna
Deciding to give up an animal that does not fit your life/lifestyle does NOT make you a bad pet owner – it makes you a GOOD pet owner. You did not marry or give birth to your pet – your commitment is not lifelong. Your commitment is to do your best for that animal as long as you own it. If that “best” includes letting go, then finding a way to do that that is good for the animal is a good pet owner thing to do.
See? I commented! You’re lucky – I have been commenting very little of late. I’m lucky if I get my own post up. But I did leave a comment welcoming the youngest Prince to the world on the day he was born (or maybe the day after).
I know it’s really hard to give away your pets but if you can’t show them enough attention then maybe that’s best for them. Giving them to people who have the time would be a good idea.
Hi,
You are doing the responsible and the right thing for everyone involved. Although you would miss them, think how much better you would feel knowing that they are in a loving enviroment getting the attention they deserve. Also think how much happier they are going to be. It is not fair to anyone, you, Stewart, the kids or the pets if you are stressed out all the time..
good luck
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