HOP Movie Review: "Invincible"

This movie is a love story about a bartender whose wife dumps him because he’s a loser. Then he meets another bartender who is female and cute and blond. The two spend the rest of the movie saying “I like you, but I’m scared” back and forth until they finally kiss, and then they live happily ever after.

There’s a B story about how the guy bartender becomes a walk-on for the Philadelphia Eagles. It’s based on the true story of Vince Papalle, who tried out for the Eagles as a 30-year-old rookie and made the team in the late ’70’s, when Philadelphia was generally down and out, based on the bleak colors and scenes that set the movie up at the beginning. Lots of people were out of work, giant factories and mills were closing, and old rusty trucks were everywhere. It must have been cold that winter – you can tell because of the digital snow.

Okay, so it’s mostly about the football. I will admit that if one suspends disbelief, the way you’re supposed to when you watch a movie, the film was enjoyable and uplifting the way all of those underdog sports movies are. I usually don’t choose sports movies, but when forced to watch them I usually enjoy them. Even the boxing movies which are harder to watch because they’re so bloody. And then there was “Million Dollar Baby,” which I saw before there was any buzz about the surprise ending. Boy was I pissed.

But I digress.

“Invincible” couldn’t really choose what kind of movie it was. As a sports movie, it was shallow. Lots of emphasis was placed on the bone-crunching hits Papalle took as a special teams player. Sound effects and slow-motion prove that he took some big ones. So I get it – it’s more about Papalle’s struggle as a symbol for the Eagles’ struggle to get back in the game.

But they kept bringing back the lame love story. Every other scene was about Vince trying to woo the cute new bartender. First of all, there was no chemistry between Mark Wahlberg, who plays Vince, and Elizabeth Banks, who plays Janet. The filmmakers tried to make her sexy with her arcane knowledge of NFL history, but she merely came off as an idiot savant. Secondly, cutting back to this lukewarm story hurt the flow of the film, and became way too predictable.

The title of the film is “Invincible” which makes you think that Papalle is supposed to be portrayed as such. But Wahlberg plays the character like a drowning man who is simply trying to survive. He’s shy, nervous, and terrified during the football scenes. It seems like he only succeeds because he’s trying to get away from the big scary tackles. He gets hit over and over again and it really looks like he’ll stay down. Yes, he keeps getting up again, but he doesn’t act invincible, or plucky, or determined. He just looks tired, as if he’s thinking “how much time is left?”

So we watched the bonus material, which we never do, because we wanted to see what the true story was. According to the overly long documentary about the film, Papalle was a nutty guy, regarded by his Eagles’ teammates as “crazy,” in that he would scurry down the field on punt and kickoff returns to smash the guy with the ball. He got hit over and over and over, but he would bounce right back, ready to do it again. He was lively and outgoing and he recalls his reaction to the news that he made the team as “I went completely bonkers.” In the movie, Wahlberg merely gives a wan smile, like he’s happy that he finally farted because that gas was trapped in there for so long.

Because I started my career making such featurettes, I have to say that it’s annoying that a) the executive producer of the movie looks like he’s 25 years old and b) they did a great job of telling Papalle’s backstory but then they launch into the development of the film and it gets all Hollywood – “Such and such producer called his buddy who has a deal at Disney and blah blah blah and then there we were on set.” YAWN. That part, I thought, was so unnecessary. I also kept wondering how on earth they got the permission to use all of that old NFL footage. That must have been a clearance nightmare.

I like movies. I want to enjoy them. When I was attending movie junkets and interviewing cast and crew I went to several screenings a week. When the house lights go down and the film starts, I sit there expectantly, inviting the film to please me. “Invincible” actually did the job, but the problem was that I kept thinking about it afterward, and came up with all of the above complaints. I wouldn’t NOT recommend this film. It’s lighthearted fare with a happy ending, and Mark Wahlberg is still pretty hot, even with his bad ’70’s hair. That’s something.