That’s My Kid

With all the hullabaloo surrounding Brady, I haven’t had a chance to write much about Kyle lately. I want to tell you about him.

First of all, he’s huge. He’s almost 36 inches tall and 35 pounds. The doctor said he’s at 95th percentile, and back at 18 months she said he was the size of an average 3-year-old. So by this time he’s the size of an average 16-year-old, and yesterday he drove me to get my car back out of the shop.

At the playground we worry about him because strangers don’t realize that he’s so young. Since he’s so big, the older kids don’t realize that he’s only 2 and therefore they must be gentle when running around him on the play structures. Of course, the older kids don’t actually care or pay attention, but I think Kyle’s size adds to the carelessness. Kyle has become more brave when climbing around on those things, but he still gingerly navigates some areas and I can’t help but hover too close to him at times. (What a metaphor!)

Kyle’s language has exploded over the last 6 months in ways we as new parents had never anticipated. His ability to mimic everything we say is predictably hysterical, however, especially when he repeats the things Mommy is NOT supposed to say. Relax – I’ve managed to curb my swearing to merely blasphemous phrases like “Jesus!” and “Oh my God!” and “Rats!” Still, hearing him say those things, with the exact inflection of my own voice, makes me laugh so hard that my face turns red while I try to suppress the laughter so that Kyle won’t know how funny it is and therefore try to repeat it 478 times.

At this point he is able to create full sentences, like “I make a house!” or “Stay there – I’ll be right back.” He mastered letters, numbers, planets, shapes, and colors months ago. Now he’s working on more subtle aspects of those sets – like being able to count to 20, or memorizing the four largest moons of Jupiter, or learning more complicated shapes like hexagons and pentagons. He’s starting to realize what past tense is – when I asked him if he had fun at a recent birthday party that Stewart brought him to, he said “JELLYBEANS!” Stewart told me that, indeed, there were jellybeans in his goody bag and he ate every last one.

Discipline is a whole new world. We are working on his listening and obeying skills, which, as everyone who has ever spent quality time with a 2-year-old knows, is really lots and lots of family fun. We play games like “Two Minutes in Your Crib” and “How Many Time-Outs Did You Get Today?” and “Wouldn’t It Be Easier If We Just Spanked Him?” When I ask Kyle to help me, he falls to the floor in a whining fit. Sometimes we have success but usually only if I help him help me. The other day I asked Kyle to hand me a clean diaper for Brady. He did it, but first I had to put the diaper in his hand and lead him over to the changing table. He was proud of himself for helping, so that was worth it.

He is a pretty gentle big brother. There have only been a few instances of outright jealousy – in one, he pushed Brady’s head off of my boob as I was nursing, which was weird because he has no interest in nursing but I guess he was just being possessive of Mommy. In another, Kyle got very upset when Stewart was sitting in a chair holding Brady. He shouted “GET OFF!!!” But for the most part, Kyle is interested in Brady but he rarely touches him. I have been trying to keep my attention on Kyle when he is home as much as possible, but that does mean that I run around after him with Brady hanging off my boobs. Doesn’t do much for nipple soreness, if you know what I mean.

Last night I said to Stewart “Isn’t it weird that we have another kid?” because it still seems so unreal. Kyle is real. Brady is still just a clean slate. Kyle is a story being written, with his giant feet and Neanderthal paws and heavy, heavy body. Kyle talks and runs and climbs and rebels and throws things and eats things and learns. He has favorite things – his bunny, The Cat in the Hat, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, his moon blanket. It’s quite a contrast. It’s quite a miracle, all of this growth and development and personhood. I wish you could meet him.

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Appendix: Glossary

Gassaball: Basketball
Callapitter: Caterpillar
Auntie Rola: Auntie Laura
Rain nuts: Raisins
Fumpin: Thumbkin
Cattahat: Cat in the Hat
Chibby: TV
Street: Sesame Street
Sick: Music
Gobball: Golf ball
Losper: Lobster
Some?: Can I have some?