What I’m about to write is going to make me look like a jerk. But I need to put it here to get it out of my body. That’s another bonus for you, my readers, of my pain therapy.
Last week I was looking through the BlogHer ’11 agenda and noticed that there will be a session about “Old-School Bloggers” focusing on bloggers who have been around a long time. The panel (which does not include me) (and to that I say “whatever.”) will talk about how they keep the creative juices flowing after all this time. Or how they don’t. The subtitle is “From Beginner to Bigtime to Burnout…” But what if you never made the bigtime? I’m a veteran blogger in a time when blogging for a year is considered an accomplishment. In September this blog will be seven years old. Older than BlogHer, even. Over the years while parenting, working full or part time, blogging in 10,000 different places, I’ve kept House of Prince full of content. Quality content, maybe in my opinion only, but still. There aren’t many bloggers who can say that. Yes, maybe they didn’t know about me. I know it’s possible. But that is one of the reasons for this rant.
Look. I’ve been blogging for seven years, since before brands gave a crap about sending free stuff to bloggers, or inviting bloggers to parties, or sending bloggers on free trips to Kenya. Every so often I bitch about this and I write about how I need to get back to my roots and blog for the same reasons I started blogging in the first place: to tell the stories of my life as a parent. And since I’ve embraced that “Parent” is one of my many personalities, this blog has become so much more than a “Mommy Blog.” To the point at which I actually have started to feel uncomfortable describing it as such. When people ask me what kind of blogger I am, I’ve been giving a long-winded awkward answer that essentially means “I like to write about what I think about stuff.”
As the years have progressed and billions of newbies have thrown their hats into the ring and become far more popular than I – more comments, more subscribers, more traffic, more gigs, more cool trips, more free shit, better and higher profile jobs – whether or not they are actually good writers – I have watched and worked and noticed, and their recognition as being SO AWESOME eventually builds up on me and makes me fume. What chaps my hide more than anything else are the blogs that are included in Top Ten or Top 50 lists that are not well written! That contain grammatical or spelling errors or (gasp) both on the home pages in the top posts for God’s sake. That devote 1/4 of the page to content and the rest to ads or self-aggrandizing awards badges or the ones that say “I’m speaking at this conference even though I’ve only been blogging for a week and you’re not, old lady.”
And then there are the “literary” blogs that contain poetry, or word pictures, or fragments of memories, and they are held up to all as “art.” Or the “voice of the week” features that publish what in my opinion is sometimes unreadable trash. When I submit a well-written essay that contains no swearing or dangling participles, it’s considered “not the best writing on the internet.” And to that I say thank God this medium is subjective or where would my writerly self-esteem be now?
Jealous much? Hell yeah, I’m jealous. For the most part I’ve kept my nose to the ground and focused on making sure I write the kind of posts I would read and that they don’t have any spelling errors, and that I put in deep links to other bloggers if I cite them and that my photos are original or at least attributed and that my content is the star and not my ads (which is funny, since I only have the one ad from BlogHer Publishing Network, and even that makes me mad because one of the only reasons I signed up for it in the first place was to get my headline in the rotation, and they took me out of the good rotation and put me into one that gets me a fraction of the traffic. WTF?). And while that has gotten me LOTS of great things for which I am incredibly grateful, don’t get me wrong, when I see Nancy New Blogger and her 78 comments per post about how her kids make homemade notecards using soy ink paint and potato stamps and how she has heard a calling from God to make oatmeal from scratch for her 3-year-old and that this venture will be featured on CNN, I want to puke.
And that’s when I turn off the computer.
These are all conflicting feelings. I was once a new blogger. It was fun and exciting and there weren’t as many standards of quality so it was easy for a good writer to make a splash. Now a new blogger has this entire intimidating world to enter when she finally bites the bullet and hits publish on her first post. I can’t imagine what that’s like. I’ve learned what I know over seven years of blogging and troubleshooting and trial and error and homemade meals made for my more tech-experienced friends. It’s not something I would be able to jump into and figure out overnight. And when people come to me and say “How do I make a little extra money with a blog?” when they’ve never even read a blog I want to punch them in the face. But these people are usually friends of mine and I’d never punch a friend of mine in the face, so you can see the conflict.
I do love discovering new blogs that are awesome. When I stumble upon a blog with incredible writing I love to tell everyone about it, and that is one of my favorite things about my gig at ShePosts.com, where I can highlight bloggers who are doing wonderful work and creating content that makes me go back to the beginning and keep clicking on “newer post.” These are the blogs that tell stories, that keep me coming back to see what happens next, to learn what the writer thinks about what happens next. That is what I like to read, and it’s what I like to write.
I’m sure I lost you five paragraphs ago. I recently went to Hawaii on an expenses-paid press trip. Nintendo sends me packages of new video games on a regular basis. I have dozens of amazing friends I’ve met online or at blogger events. I got to interview Suze Orman. It’s a pretty great gig. If you’ve gotten this far, you’re thinking “Suck it, you’re such an ass.”
The thing is, I work hard. I’m good at this. I’ve never considered giving it up. It’s a part of me. But the landscape is so different now. “Success” in media has always required serious hustle and some kind of unidentifiable X factor. One can suggest that I adapt to keep up with the times, but I really don’t have a desire to change the format, or focus on a niche, or comment on 75 blogs a day, or attend every conference and give out my card and a piece of candy to everyone I see. I’m not going to quit drinking, or quit taking drugs, or describe my post partum depression or my divorce in great detail, or publish photographs of my vagina, or reveal that I am a man. The closest I ever came to a huge influx of readers was back in 2009 when Neil Gaiman tweeted a post of mine called “What Is Twitter?” (he only had 300,000 followers at the time) because he considered it quality content. I had thousands of readers a day for a little while, but then that traffic tapered off.
So, after almost seven years, if this blog hasn’t reached the tipping point yet, I guess it’s not gonna. House of Prince will probably flounder on in relative obscurity while New Blog of The Week gets a fucking 2-page spread in the New York Times Style section. I’m sure I’ll have even fewer readers after this post goes live. Or maybe nobody will read it. I have to be okay with those possibilities in order to continue to love what I’m doing.
My friend Lisa (whom I convinced to start her own blog, for the record) gave me a great new goal to focus on, like a mantra. One day I was bitching about all this to her and she said for the next 15 years while my kids are growing up, I should “Write well, do what you love, and raise well-adjusted children.” I guess that’s a better mantra than “Suck it, internet.” And since I’m all about embracing change and becoming a better person, I’m gonna go with Lisa’s idea.
I have a group of blogging friends where we are going to get badges made that say, “We were bloggers and blogging friends before The Facebook and The Twitter.” So yes, I understand, Kim…..
I wrote an awesome post this week on Tuesday…you should go read it….like now…LOL
I read the whole thing and I feel for you. I remember that What Is Twitter piece.
It’s like the old saying goes don’t measure yourself by someone elses yardstick. You’re great and they’re great and it doesn’t all have to look or be rewarded the same.
XOXOXOX
Elise
I’m so glad you wrote about this. SO glad. One of the many things I love about you is that you don’t sell your soul for fame. I realize that doesn’t make the situation suck any less. Lisa is a wise woman.
You don’t have enough drama to be popular. And I mean that in the most loving way.
Ignore the noise, because it is just that. Hugs.
I know it’s frustrating, because blogging can be like farting into the wind. I agree with Dr List, FWIW. Figure out why you do it and do it for that, and if the cons outweigh the pros, well…you can always step back. (But my guess is that the pros will always outweigh the cons.)
I have had similar thoughts in the mommyblogger vs everyone else blogger posts, where people who do not have kids aren’t even considered in the blogging word (I guess they don’t want my spare cash.) But at the end of the day, it’s just stuff, and sometimes the good writing gets rewarded, and sometimes the mediocre writing gets rewarded. (So pretty much like the non-blogging world. 😉
Chin up.
xoxo
Nina the slackmistress
Blogging since 1997
Excuse my typo-laden comment. MAYBE NOW I WILL BECOME A FAMOUS COMMENTER?!?!
I’m a pretty lazy blogger. I don’t try to do much beyond post and get some comments. But it is galling for me to see newbie bloggers get all kinds of opportunities just because they happen to have some kids, while great bloggers who are childless or older get left out in the cold. That’s just how I see it.
oh, Kimmy. You started blogging to share your story, not to be famous. I think. You have inspired alot of us, and we are grateful to you for that.
Hang in there.
And that Dr.Lisa chic. My mantra from her is “No babies died today.”
Love you.
me
Wow! You chewed a lot of nails here and I’m sitting in a pile of rust!
Sweetheart, you also started your blog to keep your far-away-family informed about what is going on in your life – the family connection! And it was exciting! You are so eloquent and interesting and because we miss you and the boys so much we keep checking for new posts every day (well, at least I do!) and the whole family love pictures of the boys.
Now that you’ve unloaded that heavy weight, take a breath, go for a walk to the top of the hill and enjoy the scenery.
Then you could write a story called “As the Blog World Turns.” 😉
I had a blog for awhile, inspired by yours. By my standards I had a decent amount of readers, though I can’t remember the number. I got those readers by reading and commenting on other blogs. I genuinely liked all the people whose blogs I ended up following regularly, and I looked forward to reading and commenting on their stories. But there were too many of them, and it became too time-consuming. They would comment on my posts, and I felt like I couldn’t write more than one or two posts without stopping to comment on their blogs, and there were so many blogs to comment on…And something enjoyable started to feel like work. So I stopped blogging. But you’ve managed to keep your blog all these years, from before I started to way after I stopped. You’ve figured out how to balance blogging with work and home, without losing the enjoyment you get from writing. That’s far more important than fleeting popularity will ever be. The majority of these new popular bloggers will crash & burn, just like I did. Keep doing things the way you’re doing them, because it works.
I have to thank you for saying all this. I’ve been blogging for just over four years – not as long as you, but definitely not a newbie – and I’ve had a lot of the same feelings you describe.
I originally started blogging primarily so I’d have a record of the books I read, but my content’s always been mixed, and it’s brought me into – and out of – the mom-blogger pool at various times. It’s a sphere I’m glad to have ties to, but I’ve come to understand I’ll never be recognized there at ALL, so I’ve mostly gotten out of the water. But the same sort of things happen in the book-blog community. I’ve seen so many less-established, less thoughtful, less well-written blogs jump to the front of the line that it’s hard not to feel disappointed and a little resentful. But there are some things I won’t do just to build an audience.
I still feel that it’s about quality content, and I still want to create that. I’m glad you do too, even in the face of all the frustrations.
I found this post via Florinda who shared it on Facebook and mainly I just have to say “Ditto” to what she said and to what you said. After almost six years of blogging, and not getting any monetary rewards for it, I think I can relate to most of what you write here. I hope you keep on “keeping on,” because your voice would be sorely missed in the greater “blogosphere,” whatever the hell that means…if it ever meant anything.
I’ve been at this for about the same amount of time that you have, so I can definitely identify with some of what you’re thinking. On the other hand, I’m a pretty lazy blogger (especially over the past few years), so I’m not expecting to set the world on fire with the rather pedestrian posts I keep turning out these days.
A brilliant post (even if, at 3 years old I’m considered a young’un at this blogging thang) and nothing to add from what my two friends said above … except, if you lost a reader because of this post, you’ve just gained one. 🙂
First of all Kenya WTF I should have done a mommy blog as well 😀 It’s the same in any blogging field and we all have the same jealousies. Going to have a look around now 😀
Here is Dad’s comment:
With all the social media out there now and the limited attention span of most people who follow Twitter and Facebook, Dad feels that the attention span needed to actually READ a post is so limited that soon we will just be back to cave man communication…grunting! For a lot of people, it’s just too much work to read more than 148 characters at a time (or however many are limited by Twitter).
I came over here because Florinda recommended this and oh boy, do I agree.
My philosophy about people who write less well but get more publicity is that Emily Dickinson didn’t let not being published keep her from writing. She just kept doing what she did well and putting it in a drawer. Blogging can be a kind of drawer.
GO, KIM!
This is an amazing post and every single thing you’re saying here is true. God, I feel better just reading it.
I think most everyone in the blog world has had these frustrations to some degree…but no one says them out loud.
It’s so frustrating that the blog/media/traffic thing is in so many ways not a meritocracy. And it can be frustrating to feel like the only way to get noticed is to do something outrageous or bare your soul to the Internet. It should be enough to put out professional-level, quality content – I totally agree.
And you are right – you’re a fantastic writer and your blog is super-tight. Yours was one of the very first blogs I “discovered” and I was so impressed (and intimidated). Still am!
I like your friend Lisa’s advice, although the “raising well-adjusted kids” thing sounds like kind of a lot of work. 😉
Thank you for writing and posting this!! And you rock.
I love that you wrote this.
I wrote something similar a year or so ago and am so comforted that you can relate.
I’ve been blogging since 2001. TWO THOUSAND AND ONE. Until 2008 I blogged at my site that shall not be named because I wrote about everything, everything, and used names and all that. Then, I started San Diego Momma in 2008.
But in the years from 2001-2008, I saw many things. Many changes, many people come and go, and stay and prosper. One thing I’ve seen like you? The focus (especially in the very early years) used to be on writing. And now it’s not so much.
Which is why I’m glad I can read YOU.
You keep it real and good.
(That wasn’t a writerly sentence.)
Anyway. Keep on keeping on. Gals like you have staying power.
XO.
More and more hot “bloggers” are paralleling the writing industry in general. It’s all based on what media THINKS people want right now, and that tends to involve sensationalism and short attention spans.
I’ve been blogging for a number of years, and writing fiction longer than that, and if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s got to be “write/blog because you love it. Because you enjoy doing it. Because you like seeing that final product, because you like the challenge, because you like seeing it come together, and because you enjoy the interaction with other folks that you do have.”
Because there will always be someone who’s the flavor of the month, getting more of the Big, Sensational Stuff. But if you enjoy your blogging/writing work, then that time is never really wasted.
Yes to all of this. I want to get back to writing for the sake of writing, but I just don’t have the time. Maybe I never was a good writer, maybe I never will be (as much as I love to write).
But all of the people coming along and it seems like things are DUMPED in their laps? Yes to all that you said. Since 2002 here, even though I somehow lost some of my old stuff along the way.
(BTW, it was really nice to meet you at La Costa.)
You’re my hero for coming out and writing this.
I’ve been blogging for almost six years about this and that (mostly my kids). Unfortunately, I’ve stopped and started one blog or another so many times that it’s like I don’t even exist at all. I’m constantly telling myself, “Get over it. The numbers and opportunities don’t matter. Do what you want and don’t listen to anyone else.” Truth is, I was the unpopular, overlooked geek all throughout school, and I don’t think a whole lot has changed since then. Ha! Oh well . . .
I followed a link that Anna Lefler put up on Facebook and I am so glad I did. When I slowly moved away from political blogging to writing about my family and whatever struck me as interesting, I lost some readers and gained new ones. I’ve never aspired to much except to write well, but there are days when it seems like a complete waste of time and energy except that writing has become so much of how I define myself that with or without an audience, I’d carry on.
I’m glad to see you’ll be carrying on, too. From a couple of posts, your talent is evident.
I call what I’m in right now the “Sigh” phase.
One of those “big bloggers” whose content bores the hell out of me just made the New York Times. Again. Sigh.
BlogHer wants me to sign something committing to their ads for a year, even though they haven’t paid me more than $20 in at least that long. Sigh.
Some new blogger keeps tweeting about how “overwhelmed” she is at all the “love” she’s getting for her one year “blogoversary.” SIGH.
I haven’t posted anything in two weeks and even though I have about 50 ideas I can’t bring myself to write anything new. Sigh.
I had to stop myself from using the grossly overused made-up number “eleventy million” in that last sentence. Sigh.
This comment. Sigh.
As a former stand up comic, I can relate to this in a way that is painful, deeply painful. After 9 years of performing,I lost count of the number of times I was passed over because I was a girl and well, women just weren’t funny, hell all MEN knew that and it was MEN that were in charge of booking most comedy clubs, MEN who were managers of talent, who booked comics on the late night talk shows…. I also lost count of hte number of times I was passed over because I wasn’t as funny as the guy who was up before me spewing anti gay jokes, potty humor of the worst order as well as stuff about how much his GF busted his balls.
The same goes for blogging only men have nothing to do with it. I have been blogging for close to 4 years now. I pour my heart and my soul into every vlog, every blog post and I will be damned if I have yet to see any real success come to me as a result of my efforts.
This piece has resonated with me on so many levels, I didn’t know where to begin. What I tell myself day after day is that my voice is my voice and one day it will be heard loud and clear. I’ve had my moments of jealousy, sure I have. I’ve had days where I wonder why the hell do I bother working so hard to make people laugh when it seems that barely any one is listening or reading. Then I tell myself, I do it for me and for those who DO appreciate my humor. I do it because I believe it is only a matter of time before my voice is discovered by someone who can help take me to the next level and beyond. Mostly, I do it because I have to, because making people laugh is my oxygen and it’s what gets me out of bed in the morning and that is the best reason I can think of for doing anything.
Great post.
Oh, honey! My husband and I like to talk about “our calling” lately. Not work, but what your heart and soul feels is its true calling. I know there are loads of people and books that say, “Do what you love and the money [fortune, fame, followers, trips to Kenya] will follow,” but I’m not sure if that’s reasonable. We all have to make money, true, but then there’s the thing that you just do because you love it. For you and me, that’s writing. And when you love it, you do it, and you don’t care what else comes from it.
And then, stuff DOES come from it.
I’m rambling, but I guess I wanted to send a virtual life raft. You just gotta keep writing about your sons and your life and your inner life – THAT’S what I, as your faithful reader, love reading about.
Like pro surfer Kelly Slater has said when asked why he surfs: “For the love.”
If you love to write it, we will read it.
This so doesn’t make you look like a jerk. It’s a great post.
Me? I write whatever I want. Yeah, once in a while I have a bit of odd luck (hi, fellow Nintendo person!), but really? I just don’t care. I love the people I’ve met, on line and in the flesh, and I love having the outlet, and my accountant laughs at me when I tell him about the two digit income from BlogHer.
So there.
We do because we like to.
Let it rip, girl!
Love you, love your posts and also love your well adjusted son! You are always welcome back to Maui! See, we are paying attention…
I just have to repeat to myself over and over “my blog is one tool in my toolbelt and not the end goal” and “keep creating my own opportunities.”
When the inevitable envy rears her nasty bouffant I know I need to logoff and focus on the life outside my laptop.
I am truly amazed by your endurance and what you’ve accomplished–keeping up your blog and writing so many places. Just so you know.
That was a great post, and even though I don’t comment on your blog as much as I used to I still read all of your posts. You make me laugh(mostly because I picture your face saying this and I chuckle). You are an exceptional writer and posses a fantastic sense of humor, which may be lost on people sometimes and that is their loss. Anyone with half a brain can see you have more talent than most people, so please keep contributing. You make blogging seem less like a waste land for crap, and more like the electronic life-sharing medium it was meant for.
If I could write as well as you, I would totally blog. But we all know that even if I did, I would never post. <3 u
Kim Tracy Prince – I may be your biggest fan. I love your writing and I truly admire you as a person and as a writer. I just think you are great.
I think that your tagline says a lot about you…”One of the original “mommy bloggers,” I’ve been at it since 2004. Check the archives. Now I just call myself a writer. Most of my material is on the web, but the best stuff is still in my journal under the bed.” It’s so perfect. I do believe you have a book in you. You aren’t just a blogger anymore. You really are a writer. And I think there’s a big difference. Anyone can call themselves a blogger (me included) but not anyone can say they are a writer. You, my friend, are a gifted writer. You don’t just throw shit up on your blog willy nilly hoping for a commision or a stupidly small payment. You have some class. Not a lot, but some. (Ha ha.)
Debbie
I’ll punch your friends for you. Time. Place.
You are a great writer AND you do make a difference with your writing. I’m glad you allow yourself to vent, AND I think your friend Lisa is brilliant. Stick with the mantra and keep writing great posts!
Oh sweet Jesus, I will need to read this in little chunks; my blood pressure is skyrocketing.
Old School? Who’s much older than us? I stuffed binders for the first blogHer in Elisa’s apartment with Lisa Stone, Jory Des Jardines, and Philip Done. THAT’S old school. 10 Years I’ve been doing this. I coined “The Mommy Blog.” And I have never once been invited to speak on a panel of any kind at BlogHer, because I don’t run with the pack, I suppose.
I am going to have to set aside a few days to dig into your archives, because I just KNOW we’re going to have tons in common.
Also? SIGH. Bejewell nailed it. You both did. This post says everything I’ve been thinking for a few years now, and sort of explains why I never really hit the big time (or joined a sorority, or had girls’ nights out, or did whatever it is that “accepted” people do). I want to make this a sampler.
I came over here from Florinda’s (and the book-blogging world where I’ve pitched my tent for 3 years), and I’ve gotta say thank you for saying this out loud. I’ve scratched my head in puzzlement many a time over how some people gain almost instant popularity and others with extraordinarily good content hardly get any attention. And then I remember that popularity and quality don’t always go together, as much as we wish they did.
As for my own blogging, I have some notion of the kinds of things I could do to be more widely read, but the truth is, I either don’t want to or can’t do those things. And that’s (usually) OK with me.
I love it, Tracy. There’s room for everyone on the internets, I fully believe, but we have to own our space and to me, that means staking a claim and lifting your voice in your own way and with your own thoughts. For me the entertainment industry is a metaphor: some win Oscars, some win Writers Guild, some win Peoples Choice … Transformers broke box office last weekend and not because of its NYT review. Just saying. Okay, enough with the SoCal reference points!
There are about 100 reasons why I love this post. And I’m a newbie – 2 years in. But even I too had to take a step back, disconnect a little from Twitter/FB/local drama, and figure out if I would be whole without the blog. I was complaining about stuff, but it was kind of my fault if I chose to play in the sandbox, because I could always log off. So I’m just going to be smarter about what I do, I guess.
You are the real deal, Kim and I’m so proud to know you. Keep up the great work -you make a difference and have more admirers than you can know. (I’m one of them!) {{hugs to you}}
AW, YOU GUYS.
I want to print this string of comments out on a sheet and wrap it around myself.