Hal Itosis

Having a kid has introduced lots of foul smells into my life. I often remark to Stewart that I constantly have the smell of poo in my nostrils. I pretty much smell it wherever I go. I’m constantly checking Kyle’s pants or the far corners of the room (just in case one of our animals got trapped and had nowhere else to “go”).

We have a new smell now – Kyle’s bad breath. I noticed it as soon as I was 2 feet away from him today when I picked him up from daycare. I’ve actually been noticing it for a few weeks now, but I thought he just had bad morning breath, which can happen to anyone. But tonight it was really bad. I mean , “can I get you an Altoid?” bad. Like, “I will never, ever, ever kiss that guy” bad.

I know it sounds weird, and it turns out, it is weird. Kids his age aren’t supposed to have bad breath. The underlying causes range from bad dental hygiene to “odor of sweaty feet syndrome” (or Isovalryl CoA dehydrogenase deficiency). In between are a startling variety of malfunctions.

We brush Kyle’s teeth in the morning and at night. I had asked the Daycare Lady to do it after meals, but she soon returned the toothbrush and toothpaste that I gave her and said it was too hard. But that was when he was 14 months, so maybe I need to try again with her. After all, with his battery-powered Superman toothbrush, Kyle actually seems to enjoy the activity.

Dr. Google and my child’s health guide both say to call the doctor if improved dental hygiene doesn’t make it go away. I feel kind of weird calling her to say “Kyle’s breath is stanky – can you take a look at him?” But honestly, if that means we can rule out things like “lung abcess” or “odor of rancid butter syndrome,” I don’t mind at all.