I caught an episode of TLC’s “The Secret Lives of Soccer Moms” and though I was prepared to hate it, I actually liked it. It tugged all the right heartstrings when it took a stay-at-home-mom and plopped her right back in the middle of a thriving career as a chef in a five-star restaurant in Hollywood, then offered her a full-time job which she eventually, and reluctantly, turned down.
I kind of wished I could be on it. Just a little. My career is in reality television, so it would be pretty weird and possibly extremely boring to see Tracey Gold revive my career making reality television…on a reality show. Also, because I work in reality television, I would advise anybody I know and their friends and family to stay away from being on reality television, unless you’re getting a free home remodel out of the deal.
A friend of mine edited the episode I saw, so I emailed her and told her how much I liked it and she told me it has already been cancelled. End of story.
Or is it? This morning a review of the show appears in the Los Angeles Times Calendar section, with a disappointed commentary about the plight of families with children and how we are not yet appropriately handled by the nation’s government or workforce.
“…shockingly, the new reality series…is the closest thing we have right now to a cogent discussion about the dilemma still daunting so many women: Keep the career and miss out on raising your kids or give up the career and miss out on fulfilling your other lifelong aspirations.”
After Kyle was born, Stewart and I attended a moms’ group class together on Father’s Day, and the dads were encouraged to introduce themselves. When it was Stewart’s turn, he said that he was grateful to me for putting my career on hold to raise our children. While I haven’t put it on full hold exactly, more like super-slow mode, I was happy to hear him recognize that. Too bad it has to be that way, but so far so good for us. For so many other women and even some men, the choice is very painful. Yet we sacrifice so many things for our children, why not our careers?
If TLC really did cancel this show, maybe this new review will revive it some. With every reality show there is a certain level of fakery and set-up, and many situations in the show seem contrived (Dad’s at home with the kids all week, finally appreciating all that his wife does…after all these years?). But the emotions of the women are clearly written on their faces – the push and pull between what I want, and what I want for my kids. Welcome to our lives.
Okay. Be prepared for my vent. When KTP gets my blog done :), I will vent there.
I have stewed on this quote all night, and can’t let it go. Since it was a third party, I feel I can let my frustrations out.
I did not exactly have a choice about staying a working mom, but I don’t think I am missing out with raising Jackson. I have been there for his first crawl, first step, birthday’s, vacations, spelling his name, learning colors. I guide his eating, his manners, habits, medical care, hair cuts, discipline, playmates.
I don’t have to watch spongebob and have never seen a Dora episode. We don’t have formal play groups, and we don’t make crafts once a week. But we do play Hi-Ho Cherry’O and Candyland; race cars, color, write thank you notes, carve pumpkins, color easter eggs, and bake lemon cake. We do wrestle most evenings, and tickle each morning.
We have dinner at the table with no TV nearly every night, even if is is the 1-2-3 meal (1 min for veggies, 2 mins for chick nuggests, 3 mins for easy mac).
He helps with laundry, dishes, setting the table, and picking up toys. He is very healthy and one of the happiest children ever to walk the planet.
He does know mommy goes to work, LOVES coming to the office, playing on the computer, pretending to have meetings. Recognizes two facilities where I have run conferences, and does know that when Grandma B comes, typically mommy is headed to Chicago.
I have made career sacrifices. I did not pick up and move to Indiana to take a job with D.C. when his friend Mitch became gov so Jacks would stay by his dad. I do leave work by 5:15 most nights, and rarey bring work home (that I do). While I work at least one weekend each month, he has quality time with dad, grandma or Aunt Lori, and typcially gets to do something fun I likely would not have taken him to do.
He has learned to love the library with dad, go to the gardens with Grandma, and fish with Uncle Steve.
NO, I am not with him 24-7. But when I am with him, it is quality time. Everyone makes their own choice. Both choices are hard. But I take great issue with the LA Times implying that I “miss out on raising” Jackson because I work “outside the home.”
Suz
Well said. Coming from the other side of it, I didn’t even realize the weight of that quote. I was definitely more affected by the “give up the career and miss out on fulfilling your other lifelong aspirations” part.
I think we should send your comment to the LA Times.
Yeah, Suz! Well said… There is no right or wrong to how someone raises a child as long as that child is loved and taken care of.
LisaD