On Easter Sunday I had both TV’s tuned to HGTV – live – while I did laundry and also made gumbo, which I do every Easter. Basically, it’s because we don’t have family here in LA and nobody ever invites us to their own family dinner, and not because of my boisterous boys – I noticed this lack of an Easter holiday event even before Stewart and I got married. One year, way back then, it was the perfect day for me to try making his mother’s chicken gumbo, and thus a tradition was born.
The making of gumbo requires a lot of vegetable chopping, chicken carcass hacking, browning, and boiling, and standing at the stove for a long time stirring the roux – a mixture of hot oil and flour. You have to stir and stir so it doesn’t burn.
This is why I wound up watching way too many house hunting shows on HGTV in a row. It had actually started the night before with House Hunters Renovation, a show that my pal Katie works on. I have gotten sucked into certain shows before by knowing people who worked on them (I’m looking at you, American Idol) and it usually turns into a guilty pleasure. This is no exception.
A truly outdated kitchen (from ellenm1 on flickr)
Except…watching couples house hunting, over and over and over, and on Sunday especially when many were in exotic locations (“Living Hawaii,” “Living Caribbean,” etc.) I started to hate them for how picky they were and how they tossed real estate phrases around like they were experts. Here are some that I can’t ever hear again with out tactical eye-rolling and heavy sighs:
Open concept: the oh-so-revolutionary floor plan that leaves a kitchen open to the living room and dining room areas. You know, the way people live now.
Price point: using this phrase in a conversation trying to seem more professional only makes you sound like a douchebag. Just say “How much does it cost?” You know, the way people say it.
Must-have: At least three couples were all about the “must-haves” in their quest. “Fruit trees on 2-3 acres of land are a must-have.” That is not even grammatically correct. “Room for the koi pond is a must-have.” But the one that put me over the edge was the adorable young couple who required a large backyard for their snack-size dog. “Look at the yard! It’s big enough for Tiny to run around in. That’s a must-have.” The way they were talking about the dog, I would have thought it was a child. That I can understand. But it’s a dog. A TINY DOG. And let’s be honest, that’s not even a must-have.
En suite master: I grew up in a two-story apartment in a multi-family house. There were five of us with one bathroom. There was no spa-like getaway featuring a rainfall shower head and a bidet within the master bedroom. As a result, I am not fussy in this department. More than one toilet in a house is a luxury to me. So the couples that insist – INSIST! – on having, and referring to it as, an en suite master bedroom annoy me to no end. I get it – you want what you want. I was fussy in my home search too, but not to the expense of my dignity.
Dated appliances: Here’s the thing. I understand that they are on a show, and the producers must egg them on to turn their noses up at things to make the search more interesting. And indeed, if they walked into a kitchen that had patterned linoleum and mustard yellow appliances, I would agree that the kitchen is “outdated” and needs work. But the sweeping disdain I see these people display for kitchens because they don’t like the perfectly nice white subway tile and the absolutely lovely looking white appliances makes me a little bit ragey. “This will have to be totally gutted,” they say, as if that is the easiest thing in the world, as if the apartment they live in downstairs in their mom’s basement is so much better.
And all of the above is why I will keep watching because yelling at the TV is much less damaging than yelling at my husband and kids. Well played, HGTV.
All of this. And apply a 10X annoyance multiplier if the couple is under the age of 25 and have a $500K budget for their first home.
Jennifer recently posted…For the wild at heart
Haha I totally agree!
Add to your list the Man Cave, the scrap-booking room (don’t get me started) and a finished basement (with walk-out) that may or may not have enough room for both a Man Cave and a scrap-booking room 🙂
Still, I love love love watching this show because we get to see people being so dang silly/unrealistic AND because I like to torture myself with learning what a 200K budget can get you in places other than southern California.
By the way, our house is remodeled now, but we didn’t make a single change to it(besides some interior paint)for a full decade.
And we survived.
Take that, all you buyers who believe you must gut your kitchen before you’ll even more in. A bathroom that’s original to the house? Perish the thought! Or clean it with some bleach and get on with life.
julie gardner recently posted…On Being Heard
These programs are a showcase for what makes us ‘ugly Americans’ to the rest of the world. I shake my head when they want the grand adventure of experiencing the culture of a faraway land but want the house to look exactly like something from a cookie cutter American suburb. But my favorites are the ones looking at 4 bedroom homes for around $200K and complain about the color of the paint. If I could reach through that screen….
Julie, your house is a dream house!
#1 show on HGTV, everybody. 🙂
@Katie: OH, SNAP!
And I wonder why I hung up my real estate license? Almost lost a deal because of a USED appliance! And appliances are PERSONAL property, don’t think the banks like to mortgage washers and dryers. Young couple (family to boot) thought they were being taken advantage of! Those shows drive me crazy too, but I still watch! Always looking for ideas!
I LOVE this show!! 😀 I always wondered what it felt like for the sellers to see the show after the buyers have gone through the house. Now I know. Ay!! Some of the real life comments we’ve received so far for our house could easily come from the show. Darn unrealistic people. I feel like shouting at them, “1056 sq ft IS much smaller than it appears on paper. Duh!”. Anyhow, the best part of the show is that home buying is an adventure, and that’s what my experience feels like now. It’s all good in the end…hopefully.
Catalina recently posted…Grand Lines In Downtown Los Angeles
I’m in the process of buying my first home and HH is the ultimate stress relief. From the 21 year old firefighter who wanted a pool and spa in his backyard(we never did see a roommate at the end) to the tightly wrapped Vietnamese Chicago woman who was shocked that a one bedroom condo didn’t come with a ensuite bathroom(um, how hard walking out of your bedroom)-its comedy gold.
I especially love the young people who when seeing white appliances in the kitchen don’t even ask if they work-just that they’ll have to rip them out because they can’t live w/o stainless steel. I can only imagine their disgust at my choice of home-not a stainless steel appliance or hardwood floor in the place.
My peeve word is “entertaining”-somehow every homebuyer on this show wants a gigantic home/yard for all the rad parties they will host and yet the episode ends with only them and their relatives. I definitely feel this show has warped young couples view of the perfect house. One open house I was at had a young couple whose faces fell when they saw the appliances were black-wife said she didn’t know if she could live in a house without SS. I’m sure women said the same thing about the avocado kitchens of the 1960s. Another open house had another young couple talking about how they didn’t know if Charlie would like the place or not and they wanted to make him happy. Turns out Charlie was their dog.
I really don’t think the homebuyers are quite aware how bad they come across on TV.
This show is absolutely amazing!