I was digging around through more archives while researching an article I’m working on. And hoo boy, I found a piece that is slightly less mortifying than reading through my old journals. I wrote “Nuts on the Side: Where To Work?” for The Mommy Times just after I went back to work when Kyle was a year old. My attitude, four years later, is so different now. Consider that I wrote this:
“…and we now have enough money to buy things like $800 digital cameras to take pictures of Kyle so we can remember him during the 45 hours a week that he’s at the babysitter’s house.”
That made me throw up in my mouth a little. I know it was just a joke (and I do love the camera) but it’s so twisted. When I look back on that time, I don’t regret the job I worked on, or putting Kyle in what turned out to be a wonderful woman’s care. But I do cringe to know that it took me this long to realize that the time with my babies would have been worth so much more to me than the shiniest, coolest toy in the world. Even more than an iPad.
However, I stand firm in my belief that the “Mommy Wars” are bullshit, and that a woman’s choice to work or not is too personal for us to judge one another. It’s interesting to me to see how my opinions have evolved and as a bonus, I can see how my culinary skills have improved. In 2006 I joked that I was an expert in unwrapping the cheese sticks for dinner. Just this evening I whipped up a batch of cranberry chocolate scones for dessert on a whim. Why, two weeks ago for book club I even made spaetzle! But that is a story for another post.
Ah, baby Kyle. I’d gladly trade my Canon Rebel XT digital SLR for another two months of your fat baby self. If only we could spend some time with them as babies and then *poof* make them be their current age again. Just for a little while. Just enough to hug and squeeze and kiss and smell their baby heads, and then get out before the pooping, vomiting, and nipple-chomping start up again.
And that, my friends, is why combing through your blogging archives is dangerous.
You are absolutely right about the “mommy wars.” Pure BS. I’ve been a SAHM for 11 years — and worked full time outside the home mom until my daughter was nearly three. I know how lucky I was that we were able to give me the choice to stay home. I also know what we sacrificed (and continue to sacrifice) in terms of financial security. I would never criticize anyone for making a different choice than I did. I will, however, confess to jealousy of those who stay home and seem to have plenty of money, or those who work outside the home and seem to have plenty of money. But that has nothing to do with them, just me.
Absolutely LOVE this post. ‘Soak it up!’ is what my little voice says when I’m with my speedily growing boy, not nearly as much as I wish I could be. While you may feel you missed much, there’s so so much more on the horizon to enjoy… though he won’t necessarily smell as good 🙂
I was very proud of my ability to support the family on my own for the 8 years that I worked as sole provider. But at the same time, I don’t know that I could have stayed home and done all the kid stuff. Not every day, that was harder work.
The author’s reflection on her past article about work-life balance and the trade-off between time with her baby and DSLR Cameras highlights how motherhood has evolved her perspective over the years.