From the Archives: Ambushed
A special old post reborn for Pregnancy Awareness Month, I wrote and posted this little ditty on February 22, 2005. The Skinny Scoop is polling women this month about their opinions on birthing classes. Have you taken a birthing class? Then you might remember the revelations I was privileged to discover below:
I thought I’d seen it all, but then last night I saw a video clip of a woman delivering a placenta.
We were at our first Childbirthing Class, where someone teaches you how to give birth to a child, presumably. Including us there were 10 couples, all very nice people. Two of the other women had had children before, and they were there for a “refresher.” The couple sitting to my right had a cold – she was sniffling and he was coughing. I think I feel a bit sniffly today now. But it could be the RAIN. Did I mention how much it’s been raining?
Anyway, the instructor played a video and she gave it a brief introduction and it seemed pretty innocuous – no mention of Live Birth, etc. But then smack in the middle of the tape, without warning or buildup – HELLO there’s a baby’s head coming out of a woman’s vagina. Okay, I’ve seen this before in biology class, I’ve been watching A Baby Story every day for a month, I can handle that.
But then they showed a giant black blood-filled bag sliding out of said hole! The doctor caught it in a dishpan and SHOWED it to the happy mother who lay on the gurney fondling her new baby. She seemed INTERESTED in it! I actually groaned “Oh. My. God.” and a few people chuckled. Sorry, but I’ve never seen this before – and who needs to see it!? It’s DISGUSTING.
I’m sure I won’t be enduring such crudities. My birth will be bloodless, mucousless, poopless, and clean. I will be serene and graceful and will not grip my husband’s balls in a fist of death. My baby will come out freshly scrubbed and smiling.