This is one mommy blog post that’s not about breast milk.
For the last few weeks I’ve been having a weird symptom when I get really tired or have a beer or two. My eyeballs make a disconcerting nano-shift to the left…and that’s it. It’s simple, small, and passes quickly, and it happens when I am waking up in the morning and goes away after I’ve had my coffee. But then it started happening at night if I’ve stayed up late enough that I feel really tired. And then over the weekend it happened mid-day, and then I just felt slight dizzy. And then it happened after I drank a beer. (Because I thought that would help?)
I spent the day going to doctors who scanned my eyeballs and ruled out things like pituitary gland tumor and meningitis. Awesome, right? Next up, a neurologist. I’m grateful that they didn’t automatically recommend a psychiatrist and twirl their index fingers in a circle next to their ears.
Meanwhile, my research on the internet suggests that perhaps I may be drinking too much of things like, say, caffeine and alcohol. While excision of a tumor seems way easier than cutting out coffee and wine, I am going to try the latter because it’s much cheaper and I won’t need additional childcare.
So. Today is Day 1 of the Great Caffeine Reduction of 2013. Normally we make a pot of 10 cups of coffee every day: 10 cups of water to 5 scoops of coffee. This morning I substituted 1 scoop of (I hate to even type this) decaf for one of the scoops. We’ll do this every day for a week, then increase the caffeinated/decaf ratio to 3:2, and so on until it’s all decaf.
It’s hard to imagine, really. I’m not sure I can do it. I suppose if my eyeballs depend on it, I will.
I’m going to similarly not drink alcoholic beverages for a while. Not in a ratio shifting way, I’m just going to drink water instead of a glass of wine with dinner. Etc.
Sigh. There are few things that give me such pleasure in life. Stay tuned to see how this goes, and how many people unfriend me because I turn into a raging, chemical-free bitch. And please, for the love of all things warm and good, give me your recommendations for great-tasting decaf coffee in the comments.