I remember when I was younger I thought of life in phases, kind of like the Stone Roses song “Birth, School, Work, Death” except with Marriage and Children thrown in. I know I’m not alone. Now that I’m in the Children phase, however, I realize that those phases break down into further sub-phases, like Teething, and Discipline, and the Poop Years.
There are also the phases that parents go through while the kids are going through their own. You know, like Sleepless, and Coping, and Hey! I Can Brush My Teeth Again! Right now, it seems like I am in the Only Hangs Out With Other Parents phase.
It’s unpleasant but the reality is that for some of my friends I have Fallen Off the Grid. It’s evident in the infrequency of calls or emails and the omission of invitations to parties. “She probably couldn’t go because of the kids, so why bother inviting her?”
Guess what, childless friends of parents: we enjoy being treated like human adults, like your friends, even though now we have children. Who’s to say I can’t get a babysitter once in a while so I can hang out with you? If you hate getting together with me now because I always have a drooling baby with me, say so. It might hurt my feelings but that would be better than being off the list. I hate being off the list. I know what it means because I have a List and I have kicked people off of it. You have do something really shitty to be kicked off my List. You know who you are.
So I’m in the Off the Grid phase of my life, I guess. I have trouble accepting that other people aren’t like me, so I take it hard when I get a message like “I’m really busy. Let’s get together in October!” Um, hello, I’m busy too. I’m just not fond of pointing out how low you are on my priority list. That would just be rude.
I know this is a bitter post. I’m bitter. I don’t expect my life to be like it was B.C. (before children, duh) but I would still like to be included. Don’t we all just want to fit in? I’ll get over it. And when those friends have kids of their own, I’ll be there to take the baby so they can shower or take a nap. And I won’t point out how they weren’t there for me, because now? They just don’t get it. Plus, that would probably be rude.
Jen, Greg N Luke says
I have said the same bitter words to Greg about not being invited out since having a kid. It sucks that we don’t even get a chance to see if we can go anymore. I guess it is the way it is with some people, ya know?
Well, Mom to Mom, lets have a play date soon WITH our kids. Ohhhh, better yet, lets have the Dads watch our little ones and we go out! What say you?!
Auntie Lisa says
Oh my friend. I swear that you will always be my friend first and mom to your kids and wife to Stew second/third in my book. But hey, I have known you a long time and through it all you will never be off my list. I promise.
whit says
They’ll either figure it out or they won’t, and if they don’t they’ll never know what they’re missing.
In a few years, when the drool dries, the laugh will be on them. More so.
Can I be back on your list now?
gina says
i love the list! so you got a babysitter, right? we will see you out on saturday? or bring the kids! we still expect to see you out on saturday! it’s a big day with “no” surprises, you don’t wanna miss out so you better be there!!! love love love, ktp. just love. ttfn!
Mom says
I have been off certain former friends’ lists for 36 years. Then when they want me to come to reunions I have learned to say, “Sorry, I’m busy [away, visiting daughter in California], etc.
Lisa says
Life is different before and after kids. It is something that people who’ve not yet had kids simply cannot understand. I was 37 before I had my baby. I never got it prior to that time, no matter how hard I may have tried.
Kim says
Shit! Who pissed you off by excluding you?
You’ll never be off of my list.
Kim
Lisa says
It’s so funny that you wrote this because I remember before getting married I felt the exact same way. Like I wasn’t included because I didn’t have an and (you know Lisa and Russ). Then I got married and suddenly I was invited to all sorts of things. So funny how that all works out…..