My latest column on the crazy life appears today on The Mommy Times. The following post is an outtake from that piece, the part that hit the cutting room floor, so to speak:
Public Discipline
I also had to spank Kyle in the mall one day. I was there with both kids on a hot day so Kyle could run around with a playdate in the mall’s little play area. When it was time to leave, Kyle didn’t want to. My friend and her child went the other way, so I was on my own in front of a hundred parents and kids. Kyle went crazy, screaming and crying, and I only had a single stroller for Brady and Kyle was supposed to walk. He is 43 pounds. I could not carry the screaming Kyle and push Brady’s stroller at the same time. I tried to coax him out of the mall, and that just made him angrier, so angry that he wacked me across the face. Without thinking I put him down and spanked his bottom. Somehow the spank jolted him into semi-obedience: he walked along holding my hand, yet wailing and crying the entire time.
I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment – I was sure I was the “bad mommy” everyone was staring at and I skittered out of that mall so fast that we left from the wrong door. We had to walk in the hot sun, pushing a stroller and dragging a tantrum-throwing 3-year-old, around one side of the giant mall to get to the car. But there was no way I was going back in there.
The shoe has been on the other foot many times. I have witnessed other parents trying to deal with children in much worse states that Kyle was that day. I always give the parents a sympathetic look that says “I know what you’re going through, better you than me, my friend.” It’s when the parents don’t discipline a child who is misbehaving in public that I feel my judgy disapproval bubbling up. The rowdy big kids in the mall play area who knock into the younger kids: where are their parents? The toddler in the Target who runs down the aisle and makes a mess out of the toy display – who let that kid out of the cart to begin with? That’s why they have straps. Incidentally, this is why I never go to Wal-Mart: that store seems like a playground for inattentive parents. (Sorry Bettijo, I hope Wal-Mart isn’t one of your advertisers.)
So the next time I have to bring the hammer down on one of my children in public, I’m going to remind myself that a) I normally don’t care what people think, so why start now? And b) every other parent has gone through this at some point, and those looks of disapproval are actually looks of relief that it’s me this time and not them.
Since I wrote this article I went to a lecture on disciplining young children that reminded me that yelling isn’t the best way to go. Also bad: nagging, reminding, and saying “okay?” at the end of every request. More notes on that lecture in a future post. Also coming soon, my review of SeaWorld that I keep promising to write.
Very funny! The house I grew up in was much as you describe yours… Mama always yelling and neither child paying her a bit of attention as it was just the norm. And the normally unflappable Daddy who would every so often just utter a couple of words and that was ALL.IT.TOOK. He had our attention because it was so rare! Oh, and how I know about melt-downs because we are so unreasonable as not to allow popsicles for breakfast or chex mix for dinner!
I love the megaphone!
I had to smile reading this. (Misery truly does enjoy company.) I had a few moments like this with Reya last week. The first time that she ever behaved like that was at the post office. Of all places! A quiet, crowded post office. And whoever invented the “just ignore them” technique should be slapped! I tried that, and it only escalated her behavior to the point of kicking her baby brother. That’s when I lost it! In public! Oh, the shame.
I read your article on the Mommy Times, and I wondered if the spanking issue was generating a lot of feedback. It is one of those things that everyone has an opinion about, but we should all just be honest and admit we’ve been in those situations, too!