Last year when Kyle was born it took me a while to get back into posting here on this blog because I was kind of busy and also because I was at a loss for words. When there are SO MANY words in your head that they spill out of you in sobs and frustration it is hard to put them in the right order for people to read and understand and feel how you feel, just a little bit, the way I like to write here.
I’m feeling that way lately, which is why I have avoided writing. I am busy everyday with the emotionally exhausting babysitter search. I committed to finding one before Kyle and I leave next week for CT for that last family visit before I join the working world. I don’t want to try and plan any trips while I am working because the job is only five months long and I have this little anxious voice telling me that I need to prove myself…to myself. That after a year at home sitting on my ass (yeah, right) spending money and not making any, I can bring home the bacon AND gobble up my fat little hammy Kyle at the same time.
The babysitter search is slowly sucking out my bravado. I am constantly second-guessing my instincts. I had a moment the other day during which I actually thought I might not be able to do this.
On the other hand…
There are so many other hands that it keeps my head spinning. When it stops, I will take a moment, breathe, and write again.