Last year when Kyle was born it took me a while to get back into posting here on this blog because I was kind of busy and also because I was at a loss for words. When there are SO MANY words in your head that they spill out of you in sobs and frustration it is hard to put them in the right order for people to read and understand and feel how you feel, just a little bit, the way I like to write here.
I’m feeling that way lately, which is why I have avoided writing. I am busy everyday with the emotionally exhausting babysitter search. I committed to finding one before Kyle and I leave next week for CT for that last family visit before I join the working world. I don’t want to try and plan any trips while I am working because the job is only five months long and I have this little anxious voice telling me that I need to prove myself…to myself. That after a year at home sitting on my ass (yeah, right) spending money and not making any, I can bring home the bacon AND gobble up my fat little hammy Kyle at the same time.
The babysitter search is slowly sucking out my bravado. I am constantly second-guessing my instincts. I had a moment the other day during which I actually thought I might not be able to do this.
But.
On the other hand…
There are so many other hands that it keeps my head spinning. When it stops, I will take a moment, breathe, and write again.
No matter how good of a babysitter you find, you’ll worry. I had my aunt, who I trusted completely, but still…She wasn’t me, and who could take care of my baby better than me?
Good luck.
By the way, Happy Belated Birthday to Kyle! If you have time for a visit when you get back east, let me know!
I agree with the Gradual Gardener. No matter who babysits Kyle- it isn’t you. I worry when my own mother has my girls.
My biggest piece of advice is: Go with your gut- Don’t settle.
Although on the other hand (because I know youre looking for another hand) youll be turning your son over to someone who is a child care professional. She may not be you, but shell most likely have years of experience. No one could ever get my son to eat like my daycare provider. Hed eat beets for her.
No, your post wasn’t one of those which inspired my post yesterdy – though it could easily have been. In fact, I saw yours right after I posted mine and thought about comenting that it could have been. I think yours is the fifth or sixth post along those lines I have read in the last week.
Hey you, sorry for my long silence it has been a hectic week. Congrats on the job- BTW you have nothing to prove. You are fabulous. Bigger good luck with the babysitting search. You’ll find someone you feel comfortable with. Remember Kyle’s surrogate grandparents might be willing to fill in every now and then. Especially when I can help
Best wishes
You can do this and it will be totally fine!! You are an entertaining writer – and really good at it, you will probably find that getting back to work helps your psyche, Kyle will play with friends all day, you will grab some extra money in the meantime – not a bad scenario. And there is always the option to quit. Remember, you have the control.