All I Want Is Nothing To Do

Last night I went to see the Indigo Girls concert in Los Angeles.  Besides being the first time I’ve seen them live without Lisa in a many years, the show was meaningful because it always is to me, since I love their music so much.

But it was this song and its great introduction that really hit home because of the post I wrote yesterday.  That’s one reason I have loved their music for so long – no matter what, their songs always seem to be speaking directly to me.  I can feel them in my bones.

Emily Saliers:  “Here’s a song about complete despondency…that you can dance to.  Sort of.”

(I can’t find an official video so here is an audience-taped clip)

 

I was worried about my emotional state hours before the show began, so I tried to force the tears out ahead of time by indulging in the music in the afternoon.

I cried at home. I cried on the way to the show in the car. At the show, during the very first song the Indigo Girls played, I started to sing along and then I imagined Lisa’s goofy dancing and her terrible singing voice bopping along next to me and I got so sad that I bent over like someone preparing for a plane crash and sobbed and sobbed.

And then I was mostly okay, thanks to the cathartic weeping and the support of my dear friends who accompanied me and were forewarned that I might react like this.

I don’t know the Girls’ newer songs very well because their latest album, “Beauty Queen Sister,” came out in the fall and that was right before Lisa died, and afterwards I simply could not bear to listen. They put out a Christmas album, too, which absolutely destroyed me. So I have mostly avoided the music, which I clearly LOVE SO MUCH. Last night I finally realized that not enjoying the concert and not enjoying this music would be to not honor Lisa’s memory. So I think from now on I will be braver about letting my emotions come out, and I will sing out loud to my favorite songs once again.